heart · soul · Spirit

Right Where I’m Supposed to Be

Over the past week or so my soul has been pushing me to cave and capitulate. I hear my thoughts. I feel my emotions. And they… They have decided that this jagged, uncomfortable path of stillness leading to God’s glory is just too much for them.

Now, I truly do not want to get off of the path. My spirit and my heart are truly dead set on the direction I’m being led; however, my soul… My soul gets really distracted sometimes. Actually, if I’m not conscious of and self-disciplined about what I’m feeding my soul, then it begins to get annoyed. It begins to lose sight of the goodness of God and the place of power, dominion and authority Holy Spirit has seated me in. 

And the annoyance… Well, it opens up an unwanted avenue of doubt inside of me. And then the doubt begins to conduct its full-fledged plan to captivate my heart. Actually, the doubt is so wise that it starts speaking to me about the past. It tries to remind me why I should choose to fear disappointment… “You’ve been so disappointed before. You stuck to the path, and people that you trusted very deeply and intimately with the things of God let you down. So, how do you know you won’t get disappointed again? Why would you keep trusting this path, Amanda? Why would you keep relying on the goodness of God and all of His promises and provision when you’ve been so deeply wounded before?”

But then… Then I hear Holy Spirit say, “Amanda, I am not human. I am God. I have never left you. Even in the depth of your brokenness, loss and deep insecurities, I was there offering up a strong pillar of hope and love to lean on. And, I will never leave you or disappoint your heart. So, keep putting your faith in Me. Keep your identity in the truth that you live from a place of right standing through Christ. Keep your eyes focused on the spirit realm. Keep your expectations on Me and on things flowing from above. I am always working. Even when you are completely still, I am working. Do not forget about My glory. This is the last and final stretch of this season. Bring it home! Do it well! Finish it completely with honor, dignity and respect. Do it from a place of incessant faith and trust in Me. Do not fear. Do not doubt. Do not live from a place of lack: spirit, soul, heart and body. Instead, live in the fullness of Me.”

And you know, when I hear Holy Spirit speak, well His confidence and assurance in Himself and in me, it really motivates and strengths me. It truly gives me the courage to silence my soul and focus my attention on where He’s leading me. Rather than on where distraction leads me. 

And I don’t know if you ever go through this. I don’t know if you can sort through yourself from the inside out and differentiate between the voice of your spirit, soul, heart and God’s. I don’t know if you can recognize when fear and doubt try their best to take advantage of your weaknesses while interloping themselves into the mix of voices within you. However, I hope you are willing to let Holy Spirit lead you into this place of maturity. I hope that when you feel overwhelmed with doubt and fear you can stop yourself and say, “My foundation is rooted in what flows from above. So, I am choosing to press past all of the noise and keep moving forward with where I am being led. I will reach the end of this challenging season with grace, confidence and complete assurance that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.” 🌱

dominion · heart · power · truth

Receiver

I walked 16.8 miles last Wednesday, June 2. At the top of my walk, I stumbled on a bed of pink peonies and my heart was immediately elated. I squealed with excitement and joy when I saw them because they are my favorite flower. Everything about them is absolutely lovely. And so, I decided to pick one… But then one didn’t seem like enough, so I picked four more. Of course, I knew I would be walking at least 14 miles, so it seemed silly to pick them. But I didn’t care. I wanted to carry them. I wanted to hold them close to my heart. They were a gift. A gift I knew Father God led me to in a moment when I needed it the most.

Now June 2 is unique to me because it’s the day my life changed forever… It’s the day I lost my dad, but it’s also the day I was thrust into a life of deeper intimacy with God.

You see I had to learn how to rely on Him more than ever before. I had to learn how to be a good receiver of His unconditional love and grace.

And though it was somewhat challenging at first, I’ve learned that it’s far greater to receive than to give. Yes, giving is vital; however, how can we give if we haven’t received from God first? I mean, isn’t the entire gospel a gift within itself for mankind? Something we could never actually afford, but must humbly and graciously receive.

And so, you see, my entire life and relationship with Father God is based around me being a good receiver of Christ first and foremost. Receiving the truth that my entire self: spirit, soul, heart and body was (and in some places still is) languishing, broken and dead until I receive/received the fullness of Christ on a trans-dimensional level. Receiving the truth that my human spirit is now alive, active and capable of kicking ass because she’s been given power, dominion and authority to rule and reign over the heavens and the earth. Receiving the truth that my entire being will forever be in a place of refinement, development, maturity and growth as I cultivate life with Holy Spirit leading me.

And you know, I love that. I love that God, in His absolute nature, is good. So good that He eternally gives just hoping we will eventually receive. 

Because, when we do… When we finally receive enough of Him to refine, restore and redeem all of our brokenness and death, then we can do like I did at the end of my 16.8-mile walk… I tossed my flowers into the Hudson River. I let go of them with the understanding that they had fulfilled their purpose, and now needed to be freely given for someone/something else to freely receive. 🌱

heart · Mind

Stillness

Remember how I challenged you in my last writing to “sit still” in the presence of God? Remember how I expressed that I believe stillness is the direct path Holy Spirit is leading those that are wholeheartedly following Him down? Remember when I described the path of stillness as an intense and somewhat cumbersome direction of cultivated maturity? 

Okay, if you remember, then you should be able to follow what I’m going to share next.

You see I’m learning that stillness is different than peace. It’s almost a higher level of peace. Peace… Peace is the absence of conflict. We can live in peace amidst conflict. Our souls and hearts can be at peace, even when our worlds are spinning mad or the world is spinning mad. However, stillness… Stillness is literally a supernatural interface with Heaven. It’s a weighty stature of God’s presence made available to us when our human spirit’s reach the paradigm shifting place of true intimacy and wholeness with the Godhead.

Recently, in regards to this, Holy Spirit said, “How are people going to know that I am truly with you, if you won’t let My stillness rest upon you? It’s okay to be still. It’s okay to not have any movement going on in you. That doesn’t mean things aren’t moving. Instead, it means you’re cultivating a space to carry the weight of my glory, which you’ve never truly carried before. And sure, sure it’s cumbersome. Sure, being still is not your favorite thing because you want to be doing, but I have called you to a life of stillness: spirit, soul, heart and body right now. A life of stillness that mediates on My goodness constantly.”

And so that’s where I find myself… Constantly focused on remaining empty of the complaints, frustrations and pettiness of my world and the world. Constantly choosing to accept and embrace the reality that we must continue to cultivate a deep-seated relationship with Holy Spirit and our own human spirits so that we may gain solutions for combatting the darkness in our world. And constantly focusing on Father God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and the goodness they eternally supply through grace. 

And as challenging as it was to get to “here”… As challenging as it’s been to walk down this “jagged path” for a season, this place of inner stillness is worth it. 

And so, again, I challenge you to just sit still. 🌱

heart

Sit Still

Very few people know this about me, but something I’ve practiced for years is the skill of sitting in the stillness of God’s presence. Usually, I sit for an hour every morning and just listen and converse while I pray; however, lately the amount of time I’ve been spending with Him has increased. I find myself sitting still for 2 hours in the morning and then other sporadic moments throughout the day. 

And the goodness of God keeps swelling up in me in these moments! It swells in me, consumes my heart and then is heard from the overflow of my lips.

Yesterday morning while I sat, I heard Him say, “I want to supply you with something I’ve been housing in a storehouse.” Then I watched as He led me to a boarded-up shack in the middle of a backyard. And I watched as the wind of His presence tore the boards off of the doors. Once the boards came off, the doors flung open very quickly and this gold-colored flow of energy in the shape of a long scarf came rushing out. I watched as it beautifully moved towards me, swirled around my entire being in a playful-like way and then rested on my shoulders like a tallit. Once it rested, it just sat there… Swaying back and forth with a very, very strong sentience.  

I asked God, “Why was such a beautiful thing being stored in a boarded-up shack?!” He said, “Because you had to truly seek me in the stillness of my presence until you found it. I placed such a treasure in a place that looked undesirable, but now… Now that you’ve come into a deeper place of understanding and self-control, it’s yours to carry. It’s yours to move throughout life with, but it’s only truly activated with the power of my presence when your heart remains in alignment with my eternal goodness.”

Now, if I’m honest, I felt so overwhelmed that I just sat there and cried. It was just such a beautiful moment, full of life and genuine spontaneity. 

And I’m sharing this with you because it complements the direction Holy Spirit is leading those who are whole-heartily following Him. You see this intense direction is pleading with us to follow the path of maturity with our entire selves: spirit, soul, heart and body. And yes, yes it is rough and somewhat unpaved; however, we won’t be able to continually bear His light and the weight of His glory if we don’t keep moving forward on the path.

So, as challenging as it might be, I want to encourage you to sit still. 🌱

heart · Spirit · truth

Radiate

I sat down to write something encouraging and inspiring about how it’s been 12 years since I reached my goal of losing 100 pounds. But… As soon as I started typing, my spirit took over and said, “We are writing something else!” So here we go… 

God is good. Even when life is dark, decrepit and unbearably challenging to forge a path through, He is good. And I know it can be challenging to see His goodness. Especially when life is constantly caving in all around; however, that’s what’s so impressive about Him. In the midst of our fear, worry, doubt, heartache and trouble, He is there to offer up a strong shoulder to lean on. He is there to listen to the deepest cry of our heart that says, “I don’t know how much longer this is going to last! I can’t take it anymore.” 

And I’m speaking of God’s goodness because I’ve come into a place over the past few months where I find myself sitting in the stillness of His reverential presence, just meditating on that goodness. 

I just can’t get enough of it. He’s just there in such a heavy way that I feel Him resting on me.

And the heaviness… It’s different than being trapped in demonic entanglements, grids and frequencies. It’s different than the exhausting after-effect of dismantling structures the kingdom of darkness once empowered and occupied. 

Yeah, this weight… This weight is light… I feel like my spirit is floating in a blinding cloud-like substance that is very over-powering. It fills the very depth of my spirit, and brings a flow of living-water to the very heart of my root system.

And in this place of heaviness, I am constantly reminded of victories. I’m reminded of where I was when I was 5 with asthma, but then experienced healing. I’m reminded of where I was when I was 17, yearning to experience God in a more transformative way and then I did! I’m reminded of who I was when I was 20, fresh off the path of losing that weight, searching for confidence, only to have someone come a long and push me. And then I remember when I was 25, watching my dad dramatically take his last breath. Certain I’d survive, but how? How would I heal? How would my family and I pick up the pieces and move forward without feeling forever shattered and lost? But here we are today… The Winder Women, powered up with the joy of Holy Spirit.

Honestly, I could go on and on about the victories. About the in places in me that were languishing, dead and dying, only to be transformed by the power of Holy Spirit and His ability to lead me straight into a cultivated life.

So, now, where I am going with all of this? Well, if you feel lost, dead and alone on the inside, please be encouraged to know that God is good. Yes, the world’s systems are a failing and chaotically destructive, but God, His Kingdom, His presence, His ways… They are good. He is good. And so, it’s very helpful to lean into His goodness and His grace, even when you feel like your world is going to implode in seconds. Because, eventually, eventually (if our heart is open) He will come in and fill the brokenness and the void with love, peace and joy.

But then, some of you might know this. Some of you might’ve even experienced it. So, for those that have… Please be encouraged to keep pursuing His presence. Remain in the stillness of it. Meditate on His goodness, and continue to allow your trans-dimensional human spirit to interface with His presence that rests on Zion. Because, I believe, the more we spend time in His presence, meditating on His goodness, the more we will find ourselves endowed with the ability to radiate that very presence. And the more we radiate His presence, the more we can share… And the more we share, the more we will see signs and wonders, miracles, healings and deliverance take place. 

But… It all starts with our heart’s desire to focus on the the goodness of God and remain still in His presence. 🌱

power · Spirit · truth

Middle-Ground Movement

You know that place between the beginning and the end? Yeah! The middle! That place! That spot where you’re certain you’ve stepped out into a higher level of faith… A level that is extremely uncomfortable. And now… Now that you’re in the middle, you’ve actually become kind of comfortable because the initial shock of stepping out has worn off. However, you can clearly see that there’s a good distance to go before you reach the end of the season. And so, you feel somewhat agitated about the entire process because you know there’s no turning back… You must keep moving forward… You must blaze the trail as you persevere to the end.

Yeah… That’s me. That’s my current life scenario.

It’s just this serious series of persistent stretching. I feel stretched to capacity in every area of life right now. I feel like God keeps saying, “Amanda, look how far we’ve come together. Look at what we’ve accomplished in the intimate, isolated time we’ve spent cultivating life together. And I know the level of faith you’ve been asked to step out into every day feels steep and sometimes unbearable, but there is a purpose in all of it. So, you must keep moving forward. You must keep moving up that mountain. And you must stay focused on Me above all as you climb. And, even when you feel like you’ve ‘missed it,’ you must return to Me for the validation that you have in fact not missed it. So, keep going!”

And now some of you might be thinking, “Okay Amanda, why are you telling me this? Why are you sharing God and your inner growth with me AGAIN?” Well, because the relationship I’ve cultivated with Him is the realest, truest, most honest thing I know. And so, I want to encourage you to keep pursuing a deeply cultivated relationship with Holy Spirit. I want you to be inspired to turn to Him for solutions to all of your situations. I want you to look to Him as the source that works with Jesus to bring our ultimate freedom, deliverance and healing. 

And then others might be thinking, “Okay, I understand where you’re coming from because I feel Him pressuring me into more intimacy too, so how do you do it? How do you balance all of it without wanting to completely abandon ship?”

Well, honestly, I believe Holy Spirit is getting ready to move. I believe, in this supernatural, paradigm shifting era of time we’re all existing in, He’s getting ready to forcefully jump onto the scene. And because He’s preparing Himself, He must also prepare us for it. And so, He keeps asking us to climb a little higher with Him… To summit our own personal mountain of God and to remain faithful (spirit, soul, heart and body) to Him in the process.

And of course, it’s a challenge to faithfully summit. It’s a challenge to continuously step away from agendas, mindsets and lifestyles that have been controlling us so that we may see Him, His Kingdom and His truth in a raw, real and more perceptive way. And that’s the marrow of it all… That’s why I choose to keep going. Because when He moves… When He moves, He’s going to push those of us that have stepped out into the steepness of His presence into the light. He’s going to use us to communicate His Kingdom to the earth. 

And that… That inspires me so deeply at my core. It presses me to stay focused on where He’s leading because I want to work with Holy Spirit… And not against Him. I want to help Him reveal Jesus and the Kingdom in a very authentic, unifying and life-giving way. And because of that deep desire within me, I choose, in every moment, to keep my eyes focused on Him and the inner validation I am receiving about where I am headed in life. 🌱 #cultivatelife

heart · truth

Delighted

I cried myself to sleep last night. And there’s nothing wrong with me in the least bit. Really and truly, I am healthy and seeking more inner refinement, development, maturity and growth daily. All of my needs are being met. I have more than enough and I feel very satisfied with where God is leading me; however, at the very same time, I hear Him asking me to step out in more faith… To follow Him down the jagged path of uncertainty a little bit farther. 

And so, that’s where I find myself. My spirit, who is always eager to blaze a trail forward, says, “Let’s do this! Let’s walk forward! I am ready!!” But then my soul… my soul is definitely a dramatic whiner. I’ve definitely conditioned it to complain about the process of cultivation.

So they have this little duel which starts with me crying, but then ends with me thanking God for His goodness and His intricate way of working things out in me.

Now… You might be wondering what He’s asking of me, and while I do intend to tell you, first I want to remind you of something I shared a few months ago. The writing was entitled “The Vault,” and it focused on Holy Spirit removing a deep-seated lie inside of my heart. A lie I cultivated very, very, very well and then allowed to define me. 

Well, since digging up that deep-seated lie and planting truth on the grounds of my heart, I’ve felt significantly better; however, I still haven’t had the foggiest idea what “truth” was planted. He never really said. He just said, “Plant truth.” So, I picked up a bag marked “truth” and placed the seed in the ground of my heart.

Now it should come as no surprise that the seed is beginning to spring forth…. And I see it. Oh boy do I see it! So, what is it? It’s a truth that’s begging that I only delight in God. 

I hear it saying, “You aren’t here to impress anyone or anything but God. So, stop looking to the left and to the right for approval. Instead, keep your eyes focused on Him. Focus on the projects, businesses and ventures He’s assigned you to. Your life’s goal is to bring delight to Him in all you do. And, that delight, it needs to echo from the frequency of your heart. It needs to etch itself into the very fabric of your soul. It needs to become the very culture you communicate to the world around you.”

And so it will. 🌱 #cultivatelife

Spirit · truth

Instinctively Reverent

About two months ago I told God, “I want to understand what it means to have a reverent fear of You.” His initial response, “I am encoded in everything Amanda. Even Hell. Even Sheol and Hades. I am in every age, realm, dimension and timeline, past, present and future. I am stretched throughout all infinites and eternities. I am in it ALL. Embedded and encoded like DNA.” Then He said, “But… Just because I am encoded in everything, doesn’t mean that My presence is filling everything. Now, I can fill anything. My presence can fill Hell and Sheol.”

Now, when He said this my spirit, heart and soul were even more inquisitive. And so, I said, “Okay…. Show me an example of reverent fear then.” He said, “Remember your employer seven years ago? Remember the feeling you had when you met her for the first time?” 

Ohhhh well… Of course… Of course, I remember VERY well.

You see seven years ago, I went to work for a family with more wealth, fame and power than I’d ever encountered. Sure, I’d experienced my fair share of the three before; however, this… This was different. And its difference… It had a dominant feeling.

Now, my first encounter (really almost every encounter) with my boss left me somewhat shaken at my core. I remember instinctively feeling somewhat afraid of her. Not because she was scary, but because her very presence demanded a very, very high level of respect. It was evident that she expected nothing less than excellence in everything that went on in the culture of her home, her business and her lifestyle. 

And so, as her employee, I constantly felt like I should submit to the reality of what I felt. My desire to respect the environment of her household was very much something I wanted to succeed in daily. 

And… You know once I relived that chapter of my life, I could see it. I could see what God was communicating to me about reverent fear towards Him. I could see that He was saying, “The way you respected your previous boss and upheld the standard of her environment is very, very similar to the way you should respect Me and uphold the standard of My Kingdom.”

You see when we truly encounter Him in a raw, transparent and unfiltered way… When we truly become interfaced with His Kingdom through our covenant relationship with Jesus… When we truly begin to walk with Him and cultivate life… Then we can begin to experience the vastness of all that He has to offer. And when we begin to experience His vastness, it’s evidently clear that He possesses ENDLESS amounts of wealth, power and fame. It is clear that He possesses a standard of holiness that He asks us to live by.

And so… To reverentially fear Him is to truly experience Him…. To experience His Kingdom and feel overwhelmed by the majesty, splendor and glory of His presence.

And I don’t know about you, but I want to incessantly live from a place of reverence towards Him. I desire to respect the very culture of His Kingdom by upholding His standard of righteousness, justice and grace in all that I think, say and do. And sure, I won’t get it right every time (no one does); however, the beauty of it is, we can create an lifestyle that helps us cultivate the very nature of reverence. 🌱 #cultivatelife

power · Spirit · truth

The Standard

All week I’ve sat and pondered, “How can I become a more effective communicator of what Holy Spirit continues to reveal to me?” You see I want to encourage you to allow Holy Spirit to lead you down a path where the lame and manipulative layers of tradition and religion are stripped away, revealing a very real, very transparent and very powerful God. One that is no respecter of persons, but instead is very focused on communing with each and every single one of us on a moment-to-moment basis. 

And so, I want to ask, “Have you ever considered that maybe justice starts within each and every single one of us first and foremost?” 

And when I say justice, don’t look at the physical. Instead, challenge yourself to go deeper. Explore what you can’t see, but what governs the realms, dimensions, timelines and ages apart from this one.

Look at your spirit. Look at your heart. Look at your soul.

Now, while you’re looking, let me ask… Can each and every one of us confidently say that our trans-dimensional human spirits are activated and engaged, without being usurped by the soul? And, if so, are we operating from a place of wisdom and understanding… A place that doesn’t focus on engaging in divisive conversations, but where we can take our frustrations to the heavens to really learn and discern what’s happening? And, once we learn/discern, can we truly say we are spiritually strong and equipped enough to fight the unseen wars wagging in the spirit around us? 

And, if we are strong enough, can we confidently say, “I am growing with Holy Spirit every single day and allowing Him to bring life-giving solutions to my spirit, my heart and my soul so that those solutions may flow forward and produce healing and wholeness in my body and my world?” Can we say, “I see that God wants me to understand my world… That He wants me to come to Him so that He can heal me and free me of every sickness, disease and dark behavior… Even those brought down in my bloodline through generational iniquity?” Can we say (and this is a challenging one I’ve had to embrace), “Maybe the ‘god’ I hear from isn’t really God at all… Maybe it’s actually a religious spirit, masquerading itself as light and preventing me from seeing who Jesus truly is?” 

You see I believe true justice lies within the realm of the spirit first and foremost. Because, if we truly believe in Jesus, then we are to walk in the fullness of grace. And to walk in that fullness means we must align with the Kingdom of Heaven so that we may continuously stand before God and receive justice within our own lives.

We MUST come to a place where we walk free from iniquity, twistedness and perversion. Because if we cannot go before the Father and ask Him to deal with us internally, then how do we ever intend on truly governing earth? How do we ever intend on ruling & reigning with complete power, dominion & authority if we do not understand Heaven’s lingo? How do we ever intend on manifesting signs & wonders and miracles as we defeat the kingdom of darkness if we cannot even allow Jesus to administer His justice system in our own lives. 

So, you see, justice… It starts in us. It enters the gates of our hearts and changes the content of our internal culture. And then it sets a standard that encourages us to pursue true holiness. And that justice, it doesn’t ever relent. Instead, it continues to call us higher so that the only standard we live by is the Kingdom of God. 🌱 #cultivatelife

authority · Confidence · dominion · Spirit

The Jagged Path

A few days ago, my mentor prayed with me. While she was praying, she said, “I see you on a path. You’re walking across jagged rocks. It’s uncomfortable. And you might feel like you’ve gotten off of the path God has placed you on, but you haven’t. You must move forward to get to the smooth part of the path. The jagged part will teach you something you need.”

Now, although “jagged” is NOT the word I particularly wanted to hear, I do believe this is where my path of spiritual maturity is leading me. Why? Well, when I look at my life through my soul’s eyes, nothing really makes sense in the least bit anymore. However, when I view my life through the lens of my human spirit, the complex pieces and parts of God’s direction, wisdom and revelation connect together very, very well.

And because they connect together so well in the spirit, I’ve decided to take the advice of one of my friends. She said, “Well if the path is jagged, you should put shoes on. It will make the journey less intense.” 

And you know… Once I put the shoes on, I realized, “I’m definitely going to have to walk in maturity. I will have to embrace the intensity of the journey across the path, all while living from a place of peace and complete confidence in the Godhead and how they are orchestrating everything. Oh and I’ll also have to rule & reign from my spirit’s throne in the 3rd Heaven without any excuses or complaints. But, most importantly, I will have to cultivate the capacity to rule over the kingdom of darkness so that I can reign on earth when the time is best.

You see I believe Holy Spirit is pushing those that follow Him in a deeply intimate way into a place of profound maturity right now. And because of the maturity, He is asking that we operate from our human spirit at ALL times. And I understand that operating from the human spirit is challenging, especially if it’s inactive, locked in a box or fractured up all over the place; however, if we want to truly subdue the evil and darkness in the 2nd Heaven and on the earth, then we must perpetually live and operate from our human spirit.

Because when we do… When we collect wisdom, knowledge, understanding and revelation from the 3rdHeaven, then we can take it and apply it properly. We can walk into a situation, look at it from a Kingdom of God perspective and then provide a sound and solid solution that edifies and changes the absolute structure of our world for the better. 🌱 #cultivatelife