Prep Mode

What happens when stepping out with God doesn’t feel like it’s enough? How do you manage the reality of, “Well I’m doing everything He said to do. What else is there? Shouldn’t I feel whole and complete and ready?!?!”

Because I feel like I’m always in prep mode. Like I’m always aiming to prepare for this game that He says is going to be eventually played out.

But then there’s so much practice. And within the practice and preparation He expects me to bring everything I have and all that I am to the table.

So I keep my head down and listen. I share my world and my thoughts because He says, “Share them.” I don’t do it for others. I do it for Him.

Because I know He’s watching every movement as I continue to practice. And I believe every movement will continue to create a beautiful work of art for His glory alone.

The only hang up is me. Me and what I see. You see… I want to see myself transformed into the best version of me He can bring me to. And I want to keep sharing who I am with all of my faults, twists, turns and victories.

And while I won’t always get it right or do it the best way. Sharing the journey and the moment I’m in is all I really have right now… 🌷🌿 #cultivatelife #justlive

Why?

Sometimes I don’t understand why God cares so much… Is it that we mutually care? That I come to the table too? That it’s a 50/50 deal where we are both all hands on deck in this thing called life?

I mean, it just doesn’t make sense to me why He’s led me down this road of authenticity, security and identity. It’s like a bread-crumb trail without any real knowledge of what the destination is.

Why do you care so much God? Why are you so into me?

He’s just a very strange dude. But you know? I really do love Him so much. He is SO good, even when life is bad… Even when it’s sucked and been extremely painful to walk through… He’s been good.

And I just want people to know, if you’re willing to go all the way with Him… Then He’s willing to go all the way with you. He’s just the most incredible person I know. ♥️

Present Future

“Stay in today Amanda. It’s more than enough. You are more than enough.”

That’s been my constant vibe for the past two days. A resounding of “You have to move forward, but you need to be fully present in every moment.”

Is it tricky? Yeah, honestly it is. It’s very tricky to set goals and move towards more, all while being present in the moment.

But yea know? I believe it can become easier as I move with it. I believe that the trickiness of the present, paired with the future can become a simple way of life.

So, I’m going to try it a little longer… Being here, while I want to be there. Taking life one little step at a time. 🌼🌿💃🏻

Remember When?

Remember when you were a kid and your parent said, “We’re not there yet. Sit back and enjoy the ride.”?… But then you, without understanding the concept of waiting, became overly frustrated and tired of riding…

That’s where I am in life right now. I am tired of this journey I’m on with God. I can’t explain it, but I’m just worn out with the bread crumb trail He keeps leading me down.

And I know the weariness of it all won’t last very long, but my question is, “What do I do until then? How do I stay content with my reality?”

You see I don’t understand how Jesus followed the Holy Spirit so well. There were moments when He seemed to wrestle with where He was being led, but for the most part He was so obedient to His Father in Heaven.

And I don’t know if you ever feel the way I do right now. But I do know that following God’s plan is a constant. It seems like just as we arrive at one destination He’s giving us the plan for the next journey. And if He’s not giving us the plan, then He’s asking us to wait on it until it’s fully developed.

And so I guess I want to encourage anyone that feels out of sorts with God right now to be patient. Be patient and be kind to yourself. I mean… You’ve come this far with Him right?! I believe in all of your travels He didn’t bring you this far to just leave you weary and tired from the journey. Instead, I believe He wants to lift you up and give you new strength for what ever is ahead.

Should I Stop?

Over the past few days I’ve been back and forth about whether I should keep sharing what God’s giving me to write…

You see I feel like there aren’t too many people who care about Him and His design for life. I believe people aren’t truly trying to cultivate a relationship with Him… But are just interested in fame, power, money, comfortably and false security.

It’s discouraging you know?.. To see mankind so consumed with hate, jealousy, judgement, immorality and insecurity. It’s just sad.

So… In this moment I’m not going to stop sharing what I write because if I stop then I believe I’m allowing evil to win in my life.

But then I do wonder… Why can’t we, as humans, just wake up and realize we are all in troubled place without security in God? Why can’t we stop instigating the evil and promote life instead? Why can’t we see that Jesus isn’t a religion but a relationship that comes with freedom and abundant life? Why are we so deaf, dumb, dead and ignorant?!

And I might seem a little passionate… But I’m just so sick of the distractions we’ve all fallen for. I’m so sick of the war we’re all losing because we aren’t equipped to fight.

So if you hear what I’m saying… Wake up. Pursue God. Accept your forgiveness through Christ. And then cultivate a lifestyle of security in Him and His principles for life… Because not doing so will inevitably cost you your soul.

Intentional

Freedom through Christ… It’s an interesting concept to ponder… But it’s an even more interesting concept to experience and fully live.

You see I’ve come to a place in life where I feel very liberated: spirit, soul and body. I feel like God has made me whole and set me free of so much oppression and spiritual sickness, death and disease.

However, now I’m beginning to wonder, “How does one sustain and maintain his or her freedom? How am I supposed to move forward in the Kingdom of God… especially when it’s a constant unknown?

And I don’t know if I’m making complete sense; however, what I mean to say is… How does a free person stay free from the things that once bound him or her, but then cultivate life on top of that freedom?

And I don’t have an answer in this moment… I am truly seeking one with all of my heart. However, I am beginning to wonder if it’s time to become more intentional with the Holy Spirit and the things of God. Because I believe we can come to a place in our relationship with Him where we can converse with Him in such a detailed way… An intentionally detailed way.

Death of a Lie

Can I tell you the truth? I’ve been purchasing a lie with my free will for most of my life. What’s the lie? Well I’ve been led to believe I can’t be whole and complete without a relationship…

And if you really know me then you’ll understand that I’ve wanted to find someone, be married and start a family. Because in my mind I’d be complete.

However, because of the path the Holy Spirit has put me on that’s not my reality. And I’ve called the path stupid, ridiculous and annoying for so many years… But now, well I’m coming to a new place… A place where this path is actually beginning to make sense.

You see God has taken me on a journey of healing for about a decade. He’s constantly been revealing ways I can be made whole through Him. When life gets rough, He jumps in and saves the day and then makes my pain a place of peace, joy and new life.

And so I am learning that it doesn’t matter how much I think I need a relationship with a man to fill me with confidence and security… Because the only real relationship that will constantly fill me up and never let me down is the one I have with God. Everything else I’ve been taught is simply a lie.

And if I’m making some sense, then I want to encourage you to please find security and confidence and healing in God. Because He and Jesus are the only ones that can truly fill all of the broken places within our hearts and souls. They are the only ones that can make us whole again.