I miss my dad. I want to be in L.A. where my life was moving forward and I was in love with the simplicity of life. I want life to return to normal right now.. but it never will. I want to go back in time to a year ago and try harder to make sure dad goes to the doctor, but I can’t. I want to get away from all of this right now, but I can’t. Because the new normal is life without dad… so that means when we learned that the buyer for the house backed out…. well… dad’s not here, so we have to move forward without him. And it sucks.

Sure, we’re all three super optimistic about it because we’d rather finish it as dad wanted it, but still…. it sucks. And I haven’t watched any of the World Cup because sports was the thing I did with dad. We watched every sport together… expect basketball… we both hated it. He taught me everything I know about football, baseball, tennis, golf and of course racing and fighting. And now he’s gone and I have no one to talk sports with. And I’m sad… because I miss discussing players, stats and games with him.

What am I gonna do when football season is here and I have no one to love/hate the Cowboys with?… And what about the Draft? Who’s going to be there to decide which player is going where and who traded up for a better pick?!?! More importantly… who’s going to welcome in the CFP with me? Dad and I were so excited because it means no more computers deciding who goes to the Championship. We don’t have to wait around for the weekly report from BCS anymore… plus… we were both looking forward to seeing BAMA roll over Auburns ass in the Iron Bowl this year.

Gosh.. It sucks that he’s gone and I have to watch the new era of college football begin without him. He’s stuck in the past with the BCS era (thank God FL State won)… and I’m here with this new era. All of this smacked me in the face today in the gym, and I’ll I could do is cry while running on the treadmill. Cry while watching Brazil and Cameroon take the field and sing their anthems. Cry and wish this was all a dream. But it’s not… and I suppose I’ll find a new partner to get excited about sports with. Someone else to invest my time smack talking about how ridiculous Romo is and how much I want him gone… or how Jerry Jones needs to become a criminal so we can have a winning season… But It’ll never be the same.. ever.

From here on out I won’t hear my dad talk about Romo being a homo… or watch him walk around in that silly BAMA leather head Bridge gave him for Christmas… And he won’t be here to see the SEC get their network so he can talk about Tebow and how great he is… Plus he won’t be here to annoy the shit out of me when my team is losing… No more “uh oh pooch.. uh oh.”

Because… It’s all just engraved in my memories now. Trapped there forever and never moving forward like it should. And maybe one day I’ll look back on all of this and think differently or feel differently, but right now… it hurts so bad. Just the thought of him not being there to walk me down the aisle instantly brings me to tears and I can’t think about it anymore.

So where do I go from here? What do I do when these moments come about? What happens when football season arrives and dad’s not here to text? What will I do? Hopefully, I’ll do what he would want me to do… I’ll move forward and cheer harder. I’ll be a better fan in honor of him because it’s something that brought us closer.

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