Why does it seem like I always have to learn my lesson at a heavy cost? I can’t ever just shut my mouth and listen.

My feelings have been all over the place lately. With the loss of dad, I’m feeling things I’ve never felt before. And… with business I don’t know who to trust. But because of my insecurities and know-it-all attitude, I’ve cost us money…. which sucks and there’s nothing I can do about it now.

Nothing at all… but realize I’m learning. I’m always learning. And a lot of the time, it seems like I have to go the long route… I have to learn at a costly expense. And it’s usually because I won’t shut my mouth and listen. Like I hear what I’m being told, but I don’t listen enough to make a wise decision.

I think I should learn to listen better…. or at least figure out some way to process what I’m being told without thinking I have the answer or the best answer or that my plan is fail proof… because usually my plan it’s the best. But most of the time I think it’s God’s survival plan for the world or something…

In this situation I should’ve just listened to my younger, but wiser sister. I don’t have discernment at all, so jumping to conclusions is usually the route I choose to take. But I think it’s time to change that. Or at least try a little harder. Because I’m tired of being dramatic and thinking I need to have answers.

And in this situation, we’ve lost a lot of money…. and I know it’s just money… but I don’t fully understand that yet. It hasn’t been fully processed and grasped that money will come and money will go.

But, I am learning that the lessons you learn in between losing money are invaluable.

I’ve had the opportunity to watch loyalty, love, and respect come into play over the last few days over this house. And though money has been lost, I think it’s more important to have loyalty, love and respect from others and for others.

Those are things we can’t put a price tag on. They can’t be paid for with money. I feel like they are things we gain on our journey throughout life. Things we really shouldn’t live without, but many times do.

Because we can live without money. I wish I had my sister’s attitude and mindset on that. She’s so understanding that it’s just paper with numbers. Yes, it does get us places… but she understands it’s so much better to be loyal, love and respect the world around us than care about how many numbers are in her bank account.

Maybe one day I’ll really learn this lesson and process it fully. Hopefully one day I can live in freedom and not care and worry so much about something so finite. But until then, I’ll continue to move forward. I’ll move forward with the understanding that none of us are perfect. We are all working towards becoming better individuals.

I feel like life would be so boring if I didn’t make mistakes… because those are the things that have shaped me… the hard times and the struggle are part of made me who I am. So, though it difficult to learn a lesson… it’s worth living through the challenge of it because it promises to make me a better person when I let it.

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