Body · darkness · death · vulnerability

It’s Just a Body


Why is it that we care so much about the physical….. our bodies and what we can see and touch?

I’ve asked myself this question before…. and here I am with it again.

Since experiencing death, I’ve learned that the body really is just a shell… our vehicle here on planet Earth. It’s what disguises and protects what’s most important and vital in this life…. the soul.

I still can’t get this picture out of my mind that surrounds my dad laying in a hospital bed with breathe and then laying in a hospital bed without breathe…. The morning of his death, he had conversation and expressions of love within him… And then that evening I watched his life actually leave his body. And then I was left with only a body… a skeleton made from dust, covered in well… meat.

Yes it looked like dad, but everything that was dad was gone…. his voice, his laugh, his humor, his thoughts and most importantly his love and soul. Those things that I valued so deeply within me were no longer part of life, but only part of my memory…. and it just all seems so strange.

It’s strange how something as simple, but as complex as breathing keeps us connected to this earth… this place called life. And it’s pretty impressive and completely annoying that we choose to care so much about the physical…. this body that’s left behind, thrown in the ground, covered with dirt…. only to become dust again.

Because in the grand scheme of things, this body is so temporary… it doesn’t last long. It’s not made to last long at all. It’s made to age and evolve into something else… to be regenerated into something greater than it was before.

Maybe the bodies greatest purpose is housing the soul. All of this matter comes together so that we can live and love for a little while… and then it just becomes the dust that we walk on…. But what if it’s greatest purpose lies in the dust we walk on, and the amount of lives that cross it?

And the answer is most likely insignificant to me and my life here on Earth…. I don’t need to know these things because, what good will they do for me in life? But honestly, I did find it incredibly fascinating and in a strange way entertaining to watch life leave the body of a human being.

I know it was shocking…. and I know it was painful… but it was also so intriguing and life altering.

I’ve said it several times…. that I don’t know what to do with the moment. I don’t know where to file it because I was feeling so much. As a daughter, it was awful and painful and just so raw and real. But as an onlooker and studier of life… it was kind of cool, interesting and amazing (I am the kid that willingly wanted to study cadavers in high school).

And… a long with the shock I was feeling… I was also feeling aw… Aw and continuous wonder of how incredible God must be to place something so valuable and rare into dust and then have other souls care so much about it…. that when it finally shows the last signs of physical life…. well everyone is completely stunned.

The five of us standing in the room were begging him to keep breathing… to stay alive and take more breathes… we were all begging his soul to stay with us just a little longer and live inside of a dirty, grimy, unhealthy and unsanitary home called the body.

I mean when I really think it through…. I’m sure the soul is pissed to have to live in such conditions. To be taken away from aw and greatness to come here where time is and be a part of this thing called life. And then we decide with our truly remarkable minds to downgrade the value of our lives and trash out our bodies to the best of our abilities.

But at the same time we are encouraged to make something of life… to live and develop this thing called the soul. To increase it’s value and really do remarkable things with it so that generations after us will experience a greater life…. filled with increasing love, joy and happiness.

Ironically I don’t really see the souls of today striving to leave this world a better place. We are too focused on greed, pride, control and overall unkindness… which shows our lack of confidence and security. So… most that think they are doing what they should be doing to fit the status quo should really step back and question: What am I doing? What should I be leaving behind? And why is it important to get married and have kids in the first place?

And I’m not saying that I don’t try and fit in with societies norms. I spend too much time in my own head… worried about things that will be gone in a matter of years.

It would be so nice if I could just step back, value what I have… I mean what’s genuinely important and then choose to live.

And… I guess in a way, I have everything I need to value my soul and mind and this thing called life. Because experiencing the death of my father was more than just an experience. As of now, I think it will go down as the most life altering moment of my life. Now I just need to make something great of it that I can carry with me forever.

Because at the end of the day…. well the soul does have forever.


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