develop · faith · grow · refine · soul

The Search


Sometimes being 1,700 miles from home sucks…. especially when all the people I “do life” with are so far away.

Moving here was a choice. A choice I made…. meaning I picked up everything and moved it in a matter of days hoping for a greater life than I was leaving behind….. but somedays…. somedays I wish I had a group of people to explore this amazing place with.

And I know it’s part of moving to a new place…. I really don’t know anyone…. I’m trying to get adjusted to the newness of it all and really find my place… and then it seems like my place changes because I’m changing.

So I do have my moments when I wonder, “when will I find a group of people that I fit in with? When will I be done exploring all of this on my own?” In the same breathe, I’m happy to be alone at times because I believe it’s good for my overall growth to learn what I do and do not like…. and to just be alone and be me.

But then I have these other moments when I am so grateful and overwhelmed by the amount of people I do have in my life.

I’m coming to learn that I’m the type of person that has lots of people that surround her. After dad passed I began to learn just how many people surround me. I never realized I talk to so many that are spread out all over the country.

Though my journey has been widespread…. it’s been fun in a sense because I’ve got friends and connections in so many different states. And my closest friends are so far away…. Some in Louisiana, Texas, others in Alabama and of course Florida.

And I say all of this because I think in life I’ve been taught you need a close-knitt group of friends. And while I believe that’s true, I enjoy having friends everywhere. I enjoy being connected to so many. While some of us would rather have an inner-circle…. I feel most comfortable having a big group.

And I really don’t know why….. but I feel like I have so much inside of me to give… and with that, it causes me to want to have a lot of connections/friendships because with them life grows and becomes better.

In ways… I am starting to value myself more and more every day…. especially when I look and see the life I am standing in.

I think a lot of the time we tend to look at the glass half-empty… always wanting more… craving to make an extra dollar here or save money there… but how many times do we simply look at the life we have, the people that surround us and what we’ve created and say, “wow, I am blessed”?

My dad used to always tell me that he really lucked out with me as a daughter… and of course, he was being a father in saying that… I think a lot of what he said came from some parent handbook that is built-in once you have a child because then you begin to feel grateful that you’ve been entrusted with so much life. But other times…. well other times I think he might have been right, and that he did luck out.

More than anything…. I believe the length I go to to make friends shows something inside of me that I don’t know about or quite understand yet. I think it shows that I still have so much inside of me to give away…. and that I genuinely love the company of others and I love to basically give my time and energy to make sure someone’s day is a little brighter.

Now… I don’t do this all the time… and I do come off as being shy at times… insecurities are to blame… but I do believe those things are beginning to change within me, and honestly…. I can’t wait to develop a group of people to do life with here in Cali.

Because…. if Cali is this great… I can’t imagine the types of people that I will find within it’s greatness.

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