death · follow · freedom · refine

Dig Deep


So many emotions are swirling inside of me this morning. I know deep down that I have so much to prove in order to advance to the next season of life…. and honestly,  it’s exciting and overwhelming all at once.

Like I’m truly blessed to be given and living within the opportunities I have… but sometimes…. well sometimes they intimidate me.

I think this is when I need my dad. I never realized it before, but I shared things like this with him. He always knew I was a catalyst for change…. always evolving and moving on to something better…. and he also knew that might be living through some pretty rough days to gain the best days of my life.

But within it all, he’d encourage me by saying, “you can do this pooch. You’re amazing.” And at the time, hearing those words meant nothing…. but I think deep down, on a subconscious level they meant so much more.

I mean, don’t get me wrong…. there were certainly times that he didn’t vocally believe in me…. or express his desire to see me tackle what was in front of me… but still, I knew I had his undying support.

Ironically, that support is gone now… it’s dead just like he is. There’s really no easy way to sugar-coat that with words at all…. death is what dad’s life has become.

And yes…. I can believe and do believe with all of my heart that he is still here, supporting me in spirit… but like I said, I don’t feel it yet. And…. I just really wish he was here so I could talk to him.

Because…. because at the end of the day, I know deep down that if I continue to work really hard and display the want for certain things, well I’m going to get them. It’s just how the world works…. and it’s determination… not giving up even when things seem rough.

Even when the days not shinny, bright and colorful…. well there are reasons to live and remind ourselves why we are here…. pursuing goals and dreams… wanting more and searching deep within for significance.

I believe everyone wants to have and hold some type of significance in this world. Whether it’s being a mom, a teacher or a motivator…. everyone wants their piece of the puzzle in life… the place where they shine and fill a void that was once missing.

And I guess that’s what I am searching for deep within this world… out there in this vast place we call Earth, where we can do so much and are truly limited my our minds doubt.

So today, well today I’m going to choose and believe in myself the way my dad did…. because honestly, I need a little bit of his encouragement to lift my spirits and remind me that I can do what I’ve set out to do…. Even when it feels heavy and slightly impossible.

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