grief · just live · perspective

Respecting Moments


How do I feel right now? I feel rested, but I’m still searching….. searching for so much and completely curious and intrigued by this world around me.

I continue to have thoughts about life being an illusion and the fact that we’ll probably all wake up one day to realize we were living in God’s imagination….. and I still don’t know what to do with these thoughts at all.

I’ve been encouraged to live in the moment more and more… the present…. the constant here and now that’s changing and evoking so very quickly.

Some of us live in the past…. wishing and regretting and think about what we did or could’ve done better…. And then some of us live in the future…. constantly thinking ahead, for the next moment and the next day…. what we’ll be doing when we get off work or when the weekend gets here.

As a result, a sad result…. we forget that we are here…. in today…. in this moment and we can’t make it leave. It has to be lived, experienced to some capacity… it has to become part of our life. But we want it gone so badly. It’s actually insulting to the moment.

It’s insulting because it has a right to be here just like the ones that have passed and the ones that are coming soon. The moment we are in now was created for a purpose and it might seem insignificant…. but it’s not… because I believe each one contains the ability to teach us something…. so that we can love and show kindness to those around us.

But gosh, we are so good at wishing them away. Right now…. right now I’m excited about football season… but it’s not coming any faster with my excitement. It’s still days and several moments away…. so rather than live in the future…. rather than live in my mind, in those moments…. I’m challenging myself to know it’s coming and it will be exciting, but using my thoughts to think about it is wasting my time…. it’s also wasting the moment I am in now.

It’s the same with living in the past…. reliving the death of my father…. wanting him back so much and thinking backwards… it doesn’t help me any at all. And honestly, the way my imagination is…. well I’ve probably exaggerated the story and it’s changed a lot. So thinking backwards and wishing for him to come back is wasting moments too.

And then there are the times I want time to move faster…. so I can reach a goal faster and reach the weekend faster… or reach the end of the day or a special event faster…. but that’s wasteful too. Think about all of the people that were wishing and hoping that the evening of June 2 would pass faster. They were ready for that day to be over…. and my family was in a hospital…. with my dad…. with him taking his last breathes…. living his last few moments on earth…. and we didn’t want that day to speed up and end quickly… we wanted it to move slowly so we could savor the moment…. to take it all in.

And with that thought…. it’s all of a sudden kind of disrespectful to others…. others who are living in moments of life, love and death… moments that take their breathes away…. days we think are so insignificant, mundane and boring…. well they might hold huge significance for someone else… and here we are being selfish and pretentious…. wanting our time, our day, our moment to hurry the hell up and get here….

But they can’t because someone else is enjoying that day, that moment in it’s fullness. And I guess it’s part of our duty, part of being a good human with a good soul to respect each moment we are in…. to just live in it and know that someone around us might be living with ideas of life, love and death… and that we should respect that.

I think… in a way…. it makes the idea of life being an illusion a lot easier and life itself a lot more valuable…. because so many times we cheapen life by wishing it’s valuable moments and days away. And honestly, it’s way too short to do that…. so let’s all try to respect where we are… in today…. in this very moment that might feel boring and mundane… the day where we feel like living in the past or present… don’t… live in today, in this very moment and respect it for what it is..

Do it because you would want someone to show the same amount of kindness to you when a life, love or death moment comes into your presence. Respect those by respecting your current moment.

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