freedom · grief · victory · vulnerability

Moment of Victory


What happens when the fears you used to have…. The ones that used to own your thought space diminish?

I mean what do you do with yourself when you work to a point that things that used to hold you back in life are gone?…. Obsolete…. Like you feel like a healthy individual…

For the first time today I made a huge purchase and realized sometime later that my fear of money wasn’t really an issue…

An it felt so good…. I felt satisfied with the feelings I had…. My brakes and tires needed to be changed… It was expensive… And I did it all without complaining… Without fearing money… Without even thinking about money.

I even approached the counter to have my card swiped and didn’t fumble with the pen, misspell something or look like a babbling fool…

Three months ago…. Well three months ago the story was different… I approached the counter to pay to have a TV shipped and I couldn’t even spell the last name correctly. The lady looked at me like I was a fool. And the TV only cost $60 to ship.

Needless to say the fear of money… Of not having enough was gripping me so tightly that is was scary…. I was mentally sick…. A real mess…

And today… Today I’ve been awake since 4:30… Worked a 9 hour day and a 62 hour week… You’d think with all of those things combine that a flat tire, need for two new tires and brakes would send me over the edge… But it didn’t… I just sailed forward with no worry or fear…

And I say all of this because I feel encouraged…. I feel hope and I feel blessed…

Life is so good… Even in the midst of this hectic week of craziness and constant change… My life is so good and I love it.

And yes I’m tired. And yes I need to sleep, but life is good. Seeing that I can conquer something like my fear of money gives me great hope…. And who doesn’t like to feel encouraged?

It’s the hope and encouragement that actually keeps us going sometimes…. The idea and knowledge that we’ve grown in a positive, life changing, good way…. And that if we keep moving forward more good will come.

With all of the negative and bad in the world today it’s nice to look around at the good….. What we’ve done well and accomplished lately..

I learned a long time ago that confidence is trust in myself and sometimes it takes seeing where we’ve been to help us get to were we need to be…

Because yesterday’s victory can live on…. It can live on long enough to help me get through today, tomorrow and the next moment when I feel tired, down and out of touch…. When I need a pick me up…

I believe victories are reminders of who we once were…. What we once accomplished… And what we have the ability to do next….

So in the midst of standstill L.A. traffic, a headache, and need of sleep…. I’m choosing to use yesterday to move me forward towards something greater…. My next victorious moment in life.

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