The past week has been challenging to say the least…. it’s been good, but challenging… and in the midst of the challenges I continue to wonder if I am handling myself well….. if I am doing everything with understanding and wisdom.
I’m coming to a place where I hate offending people…. I’m tired of judging others…. Living out here is really teaching me that we are all so different and we don’t have a right to judge any one… at all.
I actually genuinely enjoy the fact that I can be anyone and no one will care…. that’s not really possible in the south…. most everyone stares you down if you don’t fit the “mold,” the way the “bubble” and religion have created you to be.
But within all of this learning and living and loving… I continue to remain curious about life…. and think how death is much closer to all of us than we realize…. and how we are wasting our time away trying so hard to fit in with others, rather than just be ourselves….. rather than just “wearing self.”
It’s exhausting trying to fit a mold…. what society says…. and I think the work environment I’m in continues to help me realize how grateful I am for nonmaterialistic things….. to be grateful for love, happiness, acceptance and the simple things that cause our world to kind of spin in a good, healthy direction.
Because having things, jewelry, cars and homes…. well, it’s so nice but so short lived if you have nothing to fill the inside of your with. And honestly it’s hard for me to watch a teenager cry because she has everything money can offer, but she doesn’t have love and acceptance….. that’s tough. It hurts me deeply and it also causes me to be grateful….
Grateful that the money my parents do have was gained as I grew up and that they loved me in spite of it all…. and I know times were tough…. but my tough times can’t come close to comparison to what I see and experience in this situation everyday….
And I want so badly to be of help…. to have some kid of knowledge or piece of wisdom to guide this teenager out of her mess called life….. and I feel a little scared because I don’t know and I don’t understand…. but then I have to remind myself that admitting that I don’t know or understand is the first step in getting me somewhere…. in devising a plan.
And then I can always ask God to provide me with the wisdom, the practical application to help me in this situation…. so that someone else’s life can be better, filled with a little less darkness and a lot less anger….
At times, I tend to think I have it so rough….. that life has been cruel and harsh and unfair to me…. of course then I have to remember my mom always tells me the only fair there is comes in October and lasts for a week or so….. which helps me remember that life is more about what’s just and unjust…. what can stand as true and untrue….
And in this situation, what I see is unjust because it’s full of anger, hatred and lacking love…. but maybe my love and acceptance can be enough for the situation…. maybe I have more answers than I realize to help this teenager…. and maybe…. just maybe…. I can help save her life….
Because at the end of the day…. I believe we are put in each others lives to make each other’s worlds a bit better than they were before entering them.