A Moment Without Words

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There’s an image in my mind… An image I can’t shake…

It’s the day of dads visitation and I’m running late… Moms a case of grief… She’s falling apart when it’s almost time to go…. So I leave… I leave with pictures in hand to place on tables and such…. But I don’t leave alone.. My cousin and one of my best friends rides with me….

The whole ride is so silent… So still… I mean what does anyone say while riding to their dads visitatin?…

And then we arrive and I try to hurry as fast as I can across the parking lot, inside the building….. Where I come across so many faces that I know…. So many are already there to pay their respects…

And mom is late… Late and the casket that we wanted closed is open… Open so that she can tell dad goodbye… But it’s supposed to be closed before everyone enters the room…

And I’m so focused on placing the picture on tables…. That I walk into a room…. A room that is still…. Still… With only the music from a video playing… Flashing pictures on the screen of our family…

Then I see it…. The casket is open… I wasn’t prepared for that moment… I didn’t want to see my father in his casket…. I opted out on that one… Only mom wanted to be a part…

And it struck me so hard in that moment…. Like I didn’t know what to do… What to say… What to think… My whole being was silent and still…

It was such a strange moment….

And as I began to place the photos on the tables… The moment became stranger…. Because I began to realize dad was in the room…. But dad wasn’t in the room… Only his body was there… Just his body…. And it was weird… Not normal….

Because it’s not normal to be in the presence of an empty body… A dead, lifeless body… Without breathe or life…

That’s not normal at all…. Or at least it’s not normal for me….

And I don’t know what to do with moments like this… The ones that take your breathe away… The ones that cause you to question all of life…. The ones that don’t really have words to match the intensity of them…

There’s nothing to say in those moments… Nothing that really describes what you’re feeling… But it’s a moment that happened…

And I believe it’s power is worthy…. Worthy of being told… Told and talked about and expressed…

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