Figure out who you are they say…. take the challenging, difficult and path less chosen is what I hear… Discover who you truly are and live that life is what I’ve been encouraged to do… Do it because you’ve done so many difficult things before is what I could do….
But at the end of the day…. Well I feel lazy and unmotivated…. I feel like I’m wandering around without my head screwed on very tight… I feel like I’m walking around in a dream or something… waiting for someone to walk me up and tell me to get back to work… to finish what I started… to move back to Dallas and complete what I was doing…. because at least that was known…. at least it felt familiar….
This…. this life I’m living now… it feels so different…. it’s so far from where I was… and I don’t mean the physical location…. I mean everything about who I am and what I’m doing… it’s changed… it’s different… it’s a different kind of challenge….
A challenge to really be me… to be vulnerable enough to uncover who I am and what I want… and honestly, I fear doing that because it’s unknown and uncharted and I don’t like what I don’t know…. And I fear what I can’t even see… even if if it’s right in front of me….
So I guess my question to myself today…. my real challenge I need to uncover is something simple… something small… and it’s just to answer if I like feeling confused and out of focus?….
And I know the answer is no… because deep down in me I want to help others…. and how can you truly help and give of yourself to others if you don’t know what you’re doing or which way you’re going?…
I don’t believe you fully can…. So I guess today I’m just going to try and surprise myself… to do the unknown and the uncommon… to beat my fear and begin to outsmart it…. because I honestly want to move forward… I want to find my way out of all of this mess… and finding it would be so nice….