Uncommon Peace

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It’s strange… And uncommon… And I feel like something’s off…

Drama has consumed so much of my life that I feel incomplete without it… I mean I feel like I’m lacking…

I’ve never had this much peace and calm in my life…. And I find myself bored at times…

Bored because my thoughts aren’t tangled around a juicy story…. Bored because my attention seems to be on nothing but the present moment…. Bored because…. Well life with drama and chaos seemed to be so much more exciting….

So I find myself in this position now…. Looking for things to fill my mind with…. things other than drama and stress… things that are good…. things that are full of peace….

And honestly, I don’t know peace…. I don’t know peace at all… Because peace makes me feel uncomfortable… and I feel like peace shouldn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all… I shouldn’t feel out of place when I’m in a moment of peace… But I do…

And I believe once again…. that drama and stress… And the rest… well they are one more reason I was so sick… Because no one should look at drama and want it in their lives… I mean really…. what good does it do in the long run?…

For me it’s created a lifestyle that’s completely unnecessary and unlived in so many ways…. because I find myself bored…. boring and needing something to do in the midst… Something creative and fun to fill my time with…

So maybe this is a step in a positive direction… maybe the death of the dramatic part of me… maybe just maybe it’s making room for something else… something better to come in and fill the void… and if that something is peace… well I need to learn to live with it right now… or to live with it in a better way…

Because right now it’s uncommon and unfamiliar and it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong with life and in life… I feel like there’s too much stillness… Too much clarity…. Too much quietness…

Plus I don’t have reasons to make a fuss over things anymore…. I just let them go…. And when something does crop up, well I’m looking for a way to extinguish it as fast as possible…. So that no one gets hurt… Or thrown into a fire ring of gossip and stress…

And honestly, I don’t know where all of this is taking me… Maybe no where… Maybe somewhere.. But I hope it helps me become a better version of me… A less uptight and over-the-top… An individual that’s genuinely concerned with being calm and loving living in the moment….

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