Dinning with Self-Pity

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I’ve gotta be honest with myself for a moment and admit the fact that I frequently dine with self-pity… really I do… and it’s beginning to drive me insane…

I read a quote that said, “self-pity is nothing less than an impulse to destroy yourself. And it says, ‘This is the way you were made. These are the facts of your situation. It’s bad. Worse than anybody else in the whole world. In fact, it’s so bad, it’s impossible to do anything about it. And therefore, you are free from any responsibility to clean it up. Nobody can blame you for anything.”

And after reading this… well I can’t really disagree… I actually completely agree… I’ve trained my mind to believe that my situation is bad… and at times… I believe it can’t change… and I want others to feel sorry for me and help clean it up…

In reality…. self-pity is just a liar…. and it’s stealing life from me when I dine with it…. I’m willingly allowing it to steal peace and joy from me…

And I know it sounds stupid… and I keep thinking… why would I logically do this?… But I’m learning it’s one more thing that’s being worked out of me… It’s one more thing that’s caused me to become spiritually, mentally and emotionally sick… It’s one more thing I want gone…

The fact that it’s been brought to my attention…. the fact that I am surrounded by it at work…. the fact that it’s in my family…. well it shows me that it’s time for this to go… it’s time to move something else that is toxic out of my life…

And I hate it… I hate that this is a part of who I am because it prevents me from truly valuing myself… I don’t know how to value me…

And that’s frustrating…. I don’t feel valued at all… and then I use self-pity to find value in moments when I feel like life is out to get me… And it’s sicking….

So once again…. I’m on a mission…. I feel like my mission continues to evolve… it continues to evolve as I find more things that need to be transformed inside of me…. I think I have it down… I thought working the drama out of me would be it… and then I come across something else… Something more to be on alert….

And I guess that’s ok… because I just want to live a life of peace and joy… And I want to find where I belong in life… but how can I truly find those things… the things that are of value…. the ones hidden deep inside of me…. how can I find them when drama, self-pity and probably a few others are in the way?

Well I can’t… so in an effort to uncover what’s valuable… I guess it’s time to stop dinning with self-pity and start finding reasons to like me….

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