Mind · soul

Crossing the Speed Bump


And then the speed bump causes unnecessary chaos….

And I’m left wondering… Why do I even bother worrying?… Worrying always takes me to a bad place….

I say this because after choosing to stay positive about the speed bump ahead…. I stayed calm for a moment…. but then I allowed my worries to overwhelm my mind and I found myself hitting a car in a parking lot….

Yes this happened… Yes it would’ve just been better to follow God’s lead when he said “you’ll be fine. I’m going to take care of you”…. but for some reason that wasn’t enough…. Probably because I don’t value my relationship with him enough….

And so the small speed bump ahead kind of turned into a banana…. Like the ones in Super Mario Carts… And my thoughts were racing to fast…. And I found myself spinning out of control…. All over the road of my life….

Now… remember I’m working on my fear of money, victim mentality, drama queen mood swings, valuing self and ability to stay in the moment….

So in this moment… in a moment when I would usually freak out…. well I did for a moment…. but I pulled myself together… picked up the girls from school and headed back to the car to take them to their afternoon appointments…

Then one of the girls says, “Amanda, everything is fine. No one’s hurt or dead. The world didn’t come to an end. I’m sure worse things have happened this year. The worst that could happen is mom being mad at you.”

And with that…. well she helped me turn my moment of chaos around…. with that… the child whom I’ve grown to love so much… helped this overwhelming moment become one of peace and light….

And I just sailed throughout the rest of the day….

Normally I would’ve blown something like that out of proportion… I would’ve made a big deal and included other people in the midst… I would’ve found a way to become the victim…. But I didn’t… I just moved forward and let it roll off my back….

In so many ways I feel encouraged… I feel like I’m getting somewhere in life….

And there’s really nothing more to do than be a grown up… because I’m learning that making mistakes doesn’t mean the mistake makes me…

Hitting that car doesn’t change the value of who I am and what I want in life… it doesn’t qualify me as stupid or irresponsible or out of control…. well maybe my mind was a little out of control…

But it does tell me that I don’t value my mind enough and I don’t value my relationship with God enough… I don’t allow myself to remain in a place of peace when I receive news that puts me on alert….

So moving forward… I guess I should practice that a little more…

Trust that life will work itself out in the midst of what I see ahead…. and then keeping the peace enough to slow down as I cross over the speed bump…

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