Fear on a Plane

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Fear… such an interesting state of mind… Such an interesting emotion… The things it can do… The lengths it can drive us too…

And it fascinates me…. The things I fear versus the things I don’t fear…

The fact that the plane I was on this morning had to return to the terminal for maintenance didn’t cause me to panic or even fear…. But I watched those around me… They were afraid… Afraid to stay on the plane….

And some… Some even decided to get off the plane because they didn’t feel safe to fly… And nothing was wrong with the plane…

And what was my thought process?… Fear… Fear is so contagious… Seriously… If you don’t know how to stay in a state of peace you’ll find yourself freaking out over nothing… And that’s where I was….

Well… Not over the plane… But over other things in life… See watching people fear the safety of the plane showed me something…. It showed me that I react the exact same way when placed in certain situations….

Nothing is wrong with my life and then boom… A little call for “maintenance”… A little shifting and waiting for repairs… A little off the track of the way I saw things going and bam…. I react like the girl behind me… The one panicking and choosing to get off of the plane because she’s too afraid to fly…. Literally altering her day to wait and fly later…

And it’s stupid… It’s stupid to allow fear… Fear of not being able to control life to affect me in such a way… Because at the end of the day… Well I can’t control life anyway… I just think I can control it… I’ve just created this scenario in my mind that has me believing I can control what goes on around me… And I can’t…

And even when God tells me that I need to continue to work on this area… Well I still fear the idea of it all because its intimating to me… The not knowing what’s next… It freaks me out…

Even the thought that I’ll be home for thanksgiving this week and then back to Cali and then back home for Christmas in a month… It’s just so much… And then a new year starts and where am I left?…. What am I doing with myself?…

These are the things I think about… They are the things I seek answers too and would like to know where I’m headed next… But I don’t… I never seem to have an answer until it’s almost time to make a move… And I think that’s healthy for me…

But in saying all of this… I see that I don’t want to be the crazed girl on the plane… Panicking and changing plans over nothing… Because that’s no way to live at all… It’s just a way to stay in the future… Wasting thoughts about things that will probably never happen…

And you know what… Right now… I’m ok with continuing to try… To just try and live in the now… Where it’s peaceful and lacking fear…

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