Success…

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So… time away from the everyday routine…. The everyday shuffle of life… It’s good…

And it’s good because it shows me that I’m fine… All the freak out moments I have… The ones where I wonder “what the heck am I doing with my life?”….. Well they’re not only common… But time away shows me that my life is moving a long very well….

And I’m happy… And despite the factors of this year… The feeling of walking away from what I thought I wanted… The feeling of losing my dad… And the feelings of living in LA… Searching for myself and trying to figure out what I’m doing…. Well the factors of life are just the factors… And I realize again and again that life is so good and so rich…

And there was a moment this weekend where I felt insecure… And I expressed my insecurity… How I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing… And then one of my best friend says “but you’re successful”…

And my response back was “Oh I’m not successful at all…” And she says, “yes you are successful at life”…

Of course the moment caused me to think… It caused me to stop and think “what does it mean to be successful at life?”… And, if I am successful at life… well what does that mean and where do I go from here?…

And I think… to me… being successful at life means I’ve come to a place where I’m no longer holding onto any regret, hate, anger… and the rest… I think it’s a place that… when my heart does fill with bitterness or envy… well I’m easy to forgive and forget… and just let it go…

I think being successful at life means I’m living in the moment and finding others to love on or show kindness too…

Because success is defined in different ways by so many different kinds of people… and to me… success is simply being happy with life… content and in the moment… it’s the ability to just enjoy where I am…

To me… success isn’t money or cars or things… Because death has taught me those things stay here… dad’s stuff is still here… all of it… and mom is living with all of it…

So, how could I possibly consider a career or money as a success?…

When I look at my grandparents… I think “they are blessed… they have been successful in life”… my grandparents will welcome in a great great grandchild soon… that’s five generations… who sees five generations today?!…

I believe the Lord looks and considers that a blessing… and I hope that I can continue to live a life like that… one that is focused on the things that make life rich and full of purpose…

And maybe I’ll figure out what I’m doing with myself one day… maybe one day I’ll have the things that others deem as successful… but today… well today I’ll simply take the truth from a friend…

Because it’s a truth that I try and run from far too often… but it’s one I should embrace much more often…. and I think in embracing that… well I believe I’ll find peace on another level… or in a greater way…

And aside from what the holidays have been… I believe that my dad is content seeing us just as we are… because… as my father… he loved me just as I was… and he saw me as a success in so many ways…

And I’m ok with that….

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