Right Where I am…

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do you ever wonder what the next stop is?… what the next little growing season will be in between reaching a goal?… sometimes i wonder this god… sometimes i wonder if i am doing everything i should be doing to the best of my ability…
i look to my right and see a pile of christmas cards i need to and want to write and then i feel bad because i haven’t started them and i’ve been just relaxing and chilling and doing what i want to do for the past few days…. i’ve been home since late sunday night and all i’ve done is engaged in things i want to do…. so, is that so bad?…
and then i hear you ask “well… are you enjoying yourself?”… and of course i am… i am because i’ve been able to just relax and be… i feel like i’m finally coming to a place of peace… life around me doesn’t stress me out much anymore… and i am so much more willing to go with the flow than i’ve ever been…
it’s funny to compare life to a year ago god… i was miserable this time last year… i couldn’t and wouldn’t let go of the jealousy, pride and bitterness… it had all set in so quickly… and i just watched it as it took hold of my life… and i was frozen in fear… and i couldn’t get out of the place i was in for anything… the best thing for me to do in that moment was pick up my life and move it across the country…. in hopes and search and with faith that soemthing greater was waiting fo me here…
and i believe that it’s true… that it was… that in that moment i made the best decision for my life… and i look around and realize that it was the best decision for me… and then i look at others and want to compare myself so much…. look at all the things i’m not doing…
but then i have to remind myself that this life is not about cmparing apples to oranges…. it’s not about what others are doing versus what i am doing…. more so it’s about if i’m enjoying the life you have given me… and i believe that i am….
i believe that i am enjoying my life more and more everyday…. and when i feel myself comparing myself…. well i just have to remind myself how dumb it all is… because if i am truly happy…. which i believe that i am… then what i see shouldn’t matter… unless for some reason i think it’s going to help me enjoy life more… and then i realize that comparing myself causes me to enjoy life less…
and i guess what i am trying to tell myself more than anything is that i’m alright right where i am… and that i should continue to live and love and learn right here in the present moment… because this moment has so much to offer and enjoy…

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