Ok… Now Mange the Peace

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when I look at where I am… well it fills my heart… and then I always see the fact that dad is gone.. and that missing him has just become a part of the equation now…
and then I have those moments where I feel overwhellemed… i’m gonna be honest… being home has it’s headaches… my family is going through a lot right now outside of my dad being gone…
with more sicknesses… more deaths… more hurt… more pain… well I honestly asked “how will I mange the peace i’ve gained over the past few months?”….
because this peace is so special to me… and I feel so calm and collected on the inside… and I don’t want it to leave… or should I say…. I don’t want to be stirred up and interrupted…
and then I realize that none of that has to happen… that… if I simply treat this environment like my work environment… with the thought “not my stress. not my drama. not my problem.” well then I should be able to mange the peace…
because guarding it and protecting it have become important to me… truly important to me… and honestly… well I had a moment when I arrived in shreveport… a moment where I thought “oh man, all of these things are so overwhelmming… what are we gonna do? how can they be fixed? how are we going to solve these things?”….
and it might sound harsh of me to say “ont my stress. not my drama. not my problem.”… but for the sake of my health… for the sake of my well-being… well I think it’s ok to say those things… becuase at the end of the day… when everything is said and done… i can’t truly do anything to help solve any of these things….
and maybe god will work it all out… and I usually don’t say this much anymore because I abused it for so many years… but I genuinely mean this…. maybe as I let it go… well maybe god will help work through it all….
and maybe it will be in different ways than I ever imagined… but I guess… within saying all of this… it’s just important for me to continue to live… to live in peace and harmony… in this environment that I’ve created around myself… because it’s mine now… and i don’t want to disrupt it with the stress and drama and problems from outside forces…
and for now… well it’s ok with me…

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