Pause and Enjoy

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Why do we struggle so hard to preserve life?… to hold onto moments… to create moments… to make sure we are living life a certain way?…
I keep finding myself here… at this question… and it’s a question because I keep hearing my grandmother way she is ready to die… that she wants to leave this place… but then I hear her say not to be afraid of her heart failure because you can live with it for years…
And so it’s strange to me… does she want to die?… or doesn’t she?… because a person that truly wants to die would be happy they’re in heart failure… right?…
But then I look at life… and I see that so many of us long to hold onto it… we prove in with our growth in social media and our ability to take a photo and post it as soon as possible… like it’s vital that we don’t let anything slip by….
And I guess that’s a part of leading me to where I am right now… just enjoying the moment I am in and living right here in the present…
Since I’ve moved to Cali I look at the scenery around me all the time… i stand in awe of the mountains on a daily, moment by moment basis… they just fascinate me… and when i came home for thanksgiving… I actually found myself stopping to watch leaves fall from trees… like it was something I’d never seen before…
And honestly I’ve never done that before… watched the leaves fall… or taken in the beauty of a sky with rain clouds… but I’ve learned so much living so far from home… and most of the things I’ve learned have been learned organically… no classroom… no professor… no schedule or time to be there… just simply the moment I am in has taught me… and everything within it as something to say….
And it just reminds me today… a day where I find myself sitting in bed… again… listening to the rain fall… that the rain… this sound I am so familiar with… well I won’t see it or hear it again for a while… when I leave for Cali tomorrow, the rain will take a hiatus from my life… and I will be back to sunshine…
But right now in this moment… it’s good to enjoy what’s here…. and here is good… and it’s warm and it’s relaxing… but most importantly… it’s a piece of life that I’ve taken advantage of before… and so it deserves to be respected and savored…

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