develop · refine · relationship

Just Me

FullSizeRenderSo as my relationship with God has evolved… as it’s become something other than what others claim to be theirs… as it’s become mine… well I definitely find myself filling more full… rather than empty…

And in so many ways… well I think this a good thing… but now I find myself standing at a little bit of a crossroads… because I find myself content… content with just being me…

And I don’t know what to do with all of that…

In the past I’ve lied to myself and everyone else and said I was ok being alone… that I could handle myself when no one else was around… and I’ve learned that was a lie… a really big lie…

But as I just continue to truly live… and as I continue to truly cultivate this relationship with God… well I am so full…

Meaning right now. I don’t need a huge group of friends around me at all.. and honestly I don’t feel close to anyone right now… I don’t feel close to anyone but myself…

And I think that’s a good thing… because without realizing it, I’ve reached something I’ve always needed… to be close to self… to be so close to self that I am content and happy… not comfortable… not insecure… but just content… that I can truly stand being around me without being distracted by others or other things…

And it’s really taken me so long to come to this place… Maybe it’s happened quickly in the scheme of living out here in Cali… but in terms of life… it’s taken a while…

But the feeling I get when realizing I am so ok with just being and just being me and just being with me… well it’s a satisfying feeling… No longer do I feel like I need to fill my time and space with people, things, books, knowledge and conversation… and I can just be…

And I truly hope… as I continue to live a life of being content with myself…. well I hope I can learn how to include others… and I hope I can learn how to include other things as well.. And I hope this is a true starting point for me to leap from on my own…

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