Mind · soul

Just Celebrate…

There comes a time in the life of most… When you’re basically proud… Because you did something on your own… And I’ve lost 100 pounds on my own before… But this… This feeling I have right now… The feeling of being in an environment and working my way up… And doing well… That feeling of knowing that I did it on my own… That it was just me… Me and who I am and who I am becoming… Well it’s a good feeling…
And my entire life I feel like i’ve had everything spoon fed to me… That people… My family and some of my very close friends have done the work for me…
I’ll never forget the first time a good friend told me I was just riding their coat-tails and eating from a silver platter someone else prepared… It hurt… But it hurt because it was so true… And at the time I hated truth… Because the hazy fairy-tale I lived in was so much better… So rose-colored and full of beautiful lies…
But today… Well today I can look at my life and see that the distance i’ve come since moving to Cali… Well it’s been something i’ve done on my own… It’s been growth and forward movement that has happened because i’ve worked hard…
And this might sound prideful or pompous… but I feel like it’s healthy for me to look and see that I’ve done this on my own….
Because i’ve even had God coddle me at times… And take care of my every move… I’ve had him baby me and lead me a trail of bread crumbs to the buried treasure…
But this time it’s different… And I can sense the difference… And I guess it’s good… It’s good to realize that I can… Heck we all can do things that impress us…
And I’ve had this feeling before… It came after losing so much weight… But the one of actually figuring me out… Of actually moving forward without anyone knowing me, my family or anything I’ve ever done… Well it’s a good feeling….
Because nothing is attached to it… And I feel like my life is moving in such a positive direction….
Yes… Yes I still have hiccups that have to do with self-esteem and not loving me enough… the hiccups that cause me to want to hate myself in the moment… But then I am reminded how stupid it is to be at that place… How dumb it is to do those things… And then I find a way to love me again….
And I don’t know where all of this is taking me… But it sure is an amazing adventure called life….

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