Genuine Decisions 

It’s funny to me… How I’m so wired to think I’ll find where I’m supposed to be based on what I know…. Based on where I’ve been before…

For the last few weeks I’ve been trying to make connections with people…

And though I’ve had enough of church and the things that it’s taught me… Well I still try and make connections there… Because… Well because it’s the only outlet where I’m around a huge pool of potential friends…

And so when I found out I wouldn’t be able to attend a brunch again for the third week in a row… A brunch that I know will include people I don’t know and possible friends… A brunch that will also include scripture and Jesus talk… And the things I’ve just had enough of…

Well you’d think I’d be frustrated to know I wouldn’t be able to go… That once again I’d be missing out on the opportunity to make friends….

But I didn’t freak out at all… Instead I said, “sure. Sure I’ll miss it again and travel with the family I work for to San Fransico for the day”…

And I realized in that moment… That moment where I made a decision… I realized that once again God isn’t what he used to be in my life… He still continues to be what I see and what I learn and that I am able to give away…

I can’t seem to find him in Bible studies or church or conversations that include religion anymore…

Instead… I continue to find him in the beauty of the earth and everything that makes it wonderful and marvelous….

And then I see him in children that are growing and accepting love in an unloving environment…

And as much as I want to be disappointed that I didn’t get to go to a Bible study and meet a bunch of new people… Well I’m not…

I don’t know where or when friends will enter my life… I know I should make some living out here… So far away from everything and everyone… But my efforts are always shut out… And then I find myself choosing to do things that satisfy my soul… Things that bring me joy and peace…

And I don’t know where all of this is taking me… But honestly I’m so glad that I’ve chosen to be right where I am… Right here in this moment… Riding on a plane back from San Fransico… I’m glad I’ve chosen this over that… It’s made me so much fuller…

And I’m ok with that…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s