And There’s More Grace…

IMG_9632The church…. It knows exactly how to push my buttons… I mean exactly…

Now… I respect the truth… And I respect God… And I love both of them and consider them close to my heart… But then there’s the church… The concentrated group of people who are Christians…

And I don’t really call myself a Christian anymore…I’d rather say I’m a believer… In Jesus… In truth… In accepting others…

And I’m not perfect… And I am hypocritical…. And I am judgmental… And I’m sure I’ve chosen to follow the very idea of where my annoyance lies right now…

But why… Why does the church continue to boast about accepting everyone… All that want to be a part… But then choose to follow rules…

And I get it… A leader told you too do it… But in the same sense… Why can’t we just accept everyone?… Because what if I was some emotionally distraught young woman looking for comfort… Looking for somewhere to share my story and to be heard… For truth to be spoken to?….

But I guess this is just another moment to kindly practice grace… To kindly love the truths the church does share… To kindly forgive… And to kindly move forward…

But also to examine my life and make sure I am accepting of those around me… And that I don’t shut people off because the religion that impacted my life “taught” me to….

It’s just such a catch sometimes… And I know I’ll have other moments of judgment… Probably today… Moments of not accepting those around me…

But I just want to take this… To take it and learn from it… And to be more of what Jesus actually taught and stood for… Welcoming… Without rules and regulations… And without the answer of “because the leaders say so”…. That stuff rubs me the wrong way….

And I also think this is a moment for me to recognize that as much as I hate the church… As much as I hate the things it stands for but forgets to practice… Well I will most certainly continue to follow what the Lord tells me to do… Even if that means being somewhere on Wednesday nights that doesn’t give too much to me…

And I will also continue to allow God to be exactly what he is to me right now… And I’ll stop trying to fit in and find him where I’ve always looked for him… Where I know him to be…

Because what if one day God can’t be found in churches, small groups and the Bible?… What if there is a time coming where we need to find him in others things?… Things that are alive and moving and real?…

And if that is so… Which I believe it is… Well then I want to continue to find him and see him through all of creation… The things that I see all around me… The life that changes and grows with time… The things that have structure but not rules…

I guess that’s where I am right now…

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