Reality Sucks…

Why does life have to remind you it’s real?….

I know that sounds stupid… But that’s how I feel right now…

Life is reminding me how real it is… How real and how much it sucks to embrace reality…

Because I don’t want to go home this week and face reality… Packing… Going though things… Helping mom move forward…

How can I help her move forward when she doesn’t know where to go?… Or what to do?… Or what’s next?…

None of us do…

And I just want her to be so happy again…

But I think I’m learning that her happiness isn’t built around what I think is best for her… Because I don’t know what’s best for her…

I do know that I am 2000 miles away from reality…

And these 2000 miles actually make a difference… Because they allow me to forget about home… About people… And places… About friends…

Out of sight, out of mind… That’s what someone said to me the other day… And it really is so true…

And I’m not bothered by it… But it is so interesting to me… To realize my life truly consists of what I’ve put in it…

Before it’s what my family, my religion, my friends, my school… What they all thought and believed should be in it…

But now it’s really just what I choose…

And that’s good… But I find myself increasingly wanting my mom to have the best… To be happy with life and to be full… It’s important to me… And I can’t seem to keep that out of sight, out of mind….

So what does this week… And the week following… What do they hold?… Well I don’t know the answer… But I believe they will be filled with tears and laughter… And of course the daunting yet raw reminder that life is moving on…

And for the Winder Women… For the ones my dad chose to leave behind… Well this week will be like something we’ve never experienced before… And I guess in the end it will be good… I’m determined to see that…

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