Land of Smoke and Mirrors…

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Hollywood… LA… California…

It’s truly a land of smoke and mirrors…

And I’ve heard that for quite some time… I’ve heard that this place…. As amazing as it can be… Well it is soul-sucking… Soul-sucking because it sells lies… It says one thing but does another…

And in so many ways… Well I’m conditioned for smoke and mirrors… For lies more so… But not for the type of lies I find myself surrounded by…

Religion taught me how to be fake… False… So far from truth… Something that looks and sounds appealing… But something that was as much a lie as it was truth… A double-edged sword…. To “fit-in” you had to “stand-out” for God… And it was good… But it was also a deadly enemy…

And now I stand confronted with this other false way of life… And it hasn’t consumed me in the way that religion did… It’s really just teaching me how stupid and pointless it is to care so much about things and people who are lying to me and the rest of the population that listen….

And in this land of smoke and mirrors… Where I want to believe so badly… Well I continue to find myself at this place of knowing that I can’t believe because reality is too clear to me…

The reality that all of these things… These things and lives that I’ve been taught to care about and obsess over… Well they will fade away very quickly… And I’ll be left with nothing more than that…

And so I think this is where I am divided… Because I am on this quest to discover the woman I want to be… And within that quest I hate what I see… But I buy into the lies… Which frustrates and aggravates me… I constantly think I should be a better protector of my mind and thoughts…

And I know what I see in my work environment… And I honestly don’t think it impacts me the way the rest of this land does… But I’m still annoyed…

Because to be the type of woman I want to be… The type that gives life… Well I need to protect my mind so much more than I am right now…

Which in this weird way is sad because it means giving up these cheap thoughts… Cheap ways of thinking… Cheap lifestyles that are created through social media and displayed in my mind as reality…

And I guess I feel like I am on a hilltop… A hilltop filled with precious trees and plants… More than I can really imagine… The hill and the produce are mine… They are in my name… I climbed a mountain to have them… For them to belong to me… And to be used accordingly… But then I see a few fake, deeply flawed pieces of fruit lying on the ground around… And I continue to bend over and pick them up… I continue to become distracted by these obstacles that appear to be amazing because they are popular…

But… Then they aren’t amazing… Because they don’t actually give me life… They can’t enhance my life or help me change my world for the good…

But… If I would just put them down… If I would just simply walk away from them… Well then I would be reminded that I am surrounded with truth… With life… With good things… Things that are more precious than silver or gold… That I’ve inherited and grown… Seeds that I was given as a child and chose to cultivate to great heights… So much so that they now produce fruit… Fruit that I should take and eat and give and feel satisfied with the life that I am enjoying…

And… These fake, deeply flawed pieces… Well they are smoke and mirrors… That prevent me from just living…

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