An Open Letter to My Father…

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I feel like there’s so much to say… But at the same time I feel like there’s nothing to say…

Because death still sucks… A lot… But then I look and it’s been such a blessing…

And we’re approcehing a second Christmas without you… And you’re missed so much… But the difference is… Well, I can’t really feel how much I miss you anymore… But mom can… Mom feels deeply everyday… And grief experts say that means the love you both had for one another was deep… Deep and unconditional…

I don’t really cry anymore… I did cry three days ago though… Because, since your death, no man has really stepped up and checked on our family as a whole… Like continuously… No one has basically tired to be you…

And I think that’s ok… I’m glad no one is trying to take your place… But then at the same time… Well it hurts to know that we are… For the most part… Alone.. Without a male figure in the flesh…

But then I’m so thankful for God… For Holy Spirit… For their kindness and love… For their ability to fill in gaps… For God’s ability to be a father and a husband… For Holy Spirit’s ability to be a counselor and mentor…

Honestly dad, I don’t know anyone that could actually lead our family through this life altering situation… I don’t believe there is a human alive capable of doing that… So I am so very grateful for God’s blessings and his ability to be solid in our lives through all of this…

Plus, life just seems to move a long… Day in and day out… I feel like I just move farther away from you… My life is changing… It’s good… It’s something you would be proud, excited and joyful about…

And then there’s something else… Because it’s something that might seem a little out there… But when miracles become the theme of 2016… Well I’m believing that…. That all things work together for good here on earth… And in Heaven… Because I believe there’s resurrection power coming…

And dad… Within that… Well I believe that it’s possible to see you again… On the earth… Here… And it’s not a thought I hang on to… But it is a thought I have…

It’s a thought I believe in just as much as I believe in God and his goodness… It’s a moment that I believe could become a reality… Just like the moment we all watched you take your last breathe…

So… within all of the grief… All of the grief that mom mainly feels… Well please know that you were and still are deeply loved by so many… That the impact of your life and death is still felt in the hearts of those that cherish you… And that you are still so respected and admired…

And if God ever decides to resurrect you… Because I believe this would be an end time miracle… Well I’ll just wait patiently… Wait and live and love and enjoy the ride of life…

Because there’s so much goodness inside of each day… And I’m just so blessed to experience it all… To just live and be alive…

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