When It’s All Shaking…

 If I have to be real… Real and honest… Well then that means I should just go ahead and talk about the things I want to carry… The things that are entirely too heavy for me…I find myself in a place where I want to become overwhelmed… Because isn’t that human nature?… Or so we’ve been taught…

From leaving my job a month ago to pursue something else… To discovering my family and life back home is a complete mess… To not knowing what’s next in my life or their’s…

Well in truth this whole thing is teaching me security… Where it’s found where it’s held…

Because I’ve always had this thing called a safey net… My grandparents… My parents… Or really I guess my mom now…

And then dad died and I thought I learned how to have complete trust and security in God… In His plan… In His provision…

But now… Now that life is once again evolving… Now that at least 10 curve balls have been batted my way… Well I find myself realizing that I’ve still been grasping onto security in other things…

In the job I had… In my grandparents… In their ministry… In my mom… In so many things we’re taught will always “be there” to catch us if we “fall”…

But now I’m learning that these things… These things I’ve held onto… And I honestly didn’t realize I was grasping them this tightly… Well they’re all being shaken… Shaken so hard…

So hard that when I lay in bed at night I can feel shaking all around me.. It’s constant… And I have to check to see if there’s been an earthquake… But then I realize it’s only the spirit realm around me…

And it’s moving so, so very much…

And that’s why I find myself in this moment… This moment where choosing to feel overwhelmed seems like the obvious choice… This moment where I see this big red button labeled “panic” and I want to run full speed at it and press it…

But… But then I’m reminded by God… Over and over He keeps reminding me that that’s not faith and trust… That He… He is my Father… That He loves me so very much…

And that if I just simply choose to trust Him… Well life will work itself out… And that He’s brought me to this place… A place where I can’t allow myself to fear anymore… A place where I just need to believe with my entire being that He is in control…. Even if what’s happening wasn’t part of His plan… It will work out for good…

And I am beginning to believe that more and more… And I want that to be my lifestyle… As I just live….

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