Not According to My Plan…

A lot of the time… Well… Most of the time… In the midst of the unraveling of the moment… Of the next moment… Of the now…Well I find myself wanting to be somewhere else…

I find the moment I’m in isn’t good enough… And I always want more… I always want better…

And then sometimes life isn’t like I planned it to be…

Because things happen off of my schedule… When I believe they should and shouldn’t happen…

And then comes the terrific thing I have called my imagination… And you’d think by now I’d just use it for good… To build things that are worthwhile… Things that won’t disappoint me…

But I don’t…

So I find myself frustrated and angry about situations that never existed in the first place (maybe I should’ve been a fiction writer)…

And then God has to come in and remind me over and over again that life is fine… That I just need to keep living and doing what He’s asked of me right now…

But that doesn’t stop the feeling I get of being flat out disappointed…

And I believe this is when I should just continue to realize that life doesn’t go according to my plans…

It doesn’t follow the signs “Amanda’s Way, Turn Left Here”…

And I believe… Deep down… If it did… Well I wouldn’t be the person I am today… And life might be way more stressful and confusing…

Because… As much as I think I know myself… Well I don’t… And that’s when I’m so glad God knows me better… That He knows what I need and what will make me truly happy…

So I just have to continue to believe following His Spirit is the best plan for me… And that He won’t let me down…

Even when I might think what I’ve planned is better…

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