He’s Become a Memory…

I’m learning that one of the strangest… Yet saddest things about death is the fact… Well the fact that my dad has become a memory…

He’s so far in the past now… So frozen in time… Held within the frames of photos and thoughts…

And it’s just sad…

Sad and altogether weird…

Because when I look at life now… At all of the life he’s missed out on… Well it hurts in a way… But it’s honestly just sad…

And I guess this is just part of the process of life… Of death… Of having a close loved one die…

That all of a sudden they’re so far behind… So many days, weeks and moments in the past… That well they become a found memory…

After my dad died.. My grandmother told me that, “you’ll soon forget about the bad times… The hard times.. The sickness… And you’ll just choose to remember what was good”…

And that’s where I find myself now… I’m no longer bitter and angry that he’s gone… I’m no longer left in tears because he’ll never return… And I rarely see my mom and sister filled with grief…

Because life has continued to carry on… And we’ve just simply choosen to hang onto the memories of him that made my father my father…

And I’m sure I’ll have more moments throughout life that remind me how much I hate that he’s gone… I already hate watching people I grew up with have kids… Seeing their kids with their dads… Because my dad will never be a grandfather… Something he wanted so much… Something he would have been so good at…

Instead he’ll be a memory to me… Withheld in my stories to my husband and children… He’ll be a memory to me like my mom’s father was a memory to her… I only know my grandfather through pictures and stories that I’ve been told…

And I just hope that I can represent my father well… That I can truly encompass his life through my precious memories of him…

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