Opt Out?.. Ok, no…

I’ve complained a lot over the last few weeks… Really days…

Confused about what I’m doing… Why I choose to follow the Holy Spirit… Why life doesn’t seem to be adding up to make sense in my small mind…

And then He reminds me this is part of the follow…

Part of what it means to just go where I’ve been directed in the moment…

And I do get mad at times… It seems like I’ve had frustrated moments everyday this week…
Moments where my impatience seems to be shining through too much… Where being a human is completely visible and all I want to do is scream…

I feel like a 5 year old in those moments… Wanting to just whine and complain for the sake of it…

Of course… It never gets me anywhere…

And then through the course of that moment, well I find myself thinking, “I could just opt out. Abandon ship. Say no. Choose another option. Yeah, option B has a map, checklist and a lot of people on the path”…

But… Well then I know… I know deep down in the the deepest parts of me that all of those “opting out” thoughts… Well they will never lead me to a life of ultimate satisfaction…

And…That I’ll never be completely happy and full of joy if I don’t choose to keep following what doesn’t make a bit of sense right now…

So then I have to step back and calmly reasses the situation… Life…

Which usually follows with asking those in my temper-tantrum path for an apology…

And I truly hope I can grasp what God is teaching me through this…

Because let’s be honest… I’m young… I’ll have seasons like this again… And acting like a child is just miserable for me…

So hopefully I can choose to just breathe, just be and just follow…

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