Foreign Language Ahead… 

Have you ever made a decision before that was genuine?… Soley yours… One that no one else influenced at all?…If you have, congratulations… Because all of the choices I’ve made seem to have one common thread… The opinion of another…

And that’s totally fine… Completely normal… And truly healthy…

But… Well over the course of the last month I’ve come to find myself in a state of almost desperation…

And at the end of this desperation I’m coming to realize something…

I’ve made God an idol…

Moving to Cali and working for Kimora, I learned that God placed me on a personal path… One that wasn’t boxed in to the ways I was raised and the people I was raised around… I learned that He could speak to me in unique ways through life’s daily activities… I believe I learned more about Him in those personal moments than I ever learned in a Bible, Bible college or through a mentor…

Of course my past says God speaks to us certain ways…

So when an opportunity opened for me to take over my grandparents ministry, well I knew deep down that’s not what I ever truly wanted… But then I felt fear… Fear of saying no… The truth that I knew my time working at Kimora’s was coming to an end…

So…

So, I made a fear-based decision… One that included people I trusted knew the voice of God… Because in that moment I was hit with fear and uncertainty…

And with listening to those voices… Well I found myself listening to a bunch of characteristics of God I used to idolize…

The amount of fear of the unknown was so great that I opted for what I knew and used to know for so long…

But in truth… Well I liked life better when God was revealing Himself to me in unique, personal ways…

It’s easy to idolize and live by a handful of characteristics of God… Things about Him we know to be true… Because then we are left without so much extra, unknown space concerning Him…

I thought boxing Him in was over… A thing of the past… But I am learning how easy it is to revert back to old ways and thoughts about who He was in my life for so many years…

God is different to so many people… Throughout so many religions… And I think we all might idolize, to a degree, our version of who we think He is and will always be to us…

That His language is the same… And for Him to speak a different language is so foreign that it’s like He’s not speaking to us at all… We can ignore it if we don’t understand it…

But if we don’t listen for the unusual, for the foreign, well we can easily create a belief… An idolized version of God and those characteristics… And the next thing we know we’re worshiping it as the truth…

But for me… In this moment… Well I want the unusual again… Yes, it’s way easier to listen and understand a language I know… But it’s much more difficult, life changing and life-expanding to listen to something I don’t recognize and allow it to open my mind to more of Him…

And so… That’s where I want to be… Just living with an unfamiliar, unidolized language of God…

2 thoughts on “Foreign Language Ahead… 

  1. Jinish

    Very insightful! I’m glad you too had an insight to choose the unusual, unfamiliar, unidolized.

    Something similar comes to mind, which is:
    God/Truth, being limitless, unconditioned, unapproachable by any path whatsoever, cannot be organized; nor should any organization be formed to lead or to coerce people along any particular path. If you first understand that, then you will see how impossible it is to organize a belief. A belief is purely an individual matter, and you cannot and must not organize it. If you do, it becomes dead, crystallized; it becomes a creed, a sect, a religion, to be imposed on others.

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