Year Two…

June 2nd can be a bad day… It can be a day filled with regret, loss, tears, sadness, a “poor me it’s not fair… I want my dad back” attitude…It can be one that I choose to ignore… Choose to look past… Choose to forget all together…

But as I gather my thoughts… My feelings… Well I’m surprised with what I find…

Because I find myself in a place of peace… I hope that’s normal…

A place of peace because in this moment I’m realizing that God’s love, as my Father, well it’s completely enough…

I don’t know when I came to this place…

I don’t know when it happened…

My heart has simply changed…

And now… Well now I don’t feel like I’m lacking… I don’t feel empty… And I don’t feel without…

Sure, life is different…

But I’m realizing that God has filled every place that felt empty… Every place that my dad once filled… Well now it seems completely full with the love and pure grace of God…

I think He’s even filled the places that I always wanted my dad to fill… The ones that reminded me that my father was human and didn’t always make me feel great… He’s filled those up too…

And with the amount of love I feel… The amount of grace I keep seeing… Well it’s just encouraging…

Because over the last few months… Well I’ve had days and weeks that caused me to constantly wonder, “How will I ever truly be able to just experience the love of God?..”

But in this moment… Well I feel like all of a sudden I’m here… I’m here with His love… With His grace… With His peace…

And all of the questions I had before… The way I got here… Well… It just doesn’t even matter… Because… The thing is… I’m here…

I’m here and I see something I’ve never seen before… And what I see is that life without God’s love, without His peace, without His joy, without His grace… Well it’s not really life at all…

I feel like I wasn’t even living before… Or maybe I wasn’t living as full as I am now…

And… Though I miss my dad… Well again, I’m grateful for his death… Because it’s brought me to a place where I am full of the love of God…

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