Amanda’s Plan… Gone Wrong…

What happens when the story doesn’t add up the way we planned?… When life takes a turn… And then another turn… And then one more turn… But not in the direction our childhood fantasies ever dreamed…

What happens when those unexpected turns cause us hurt, pain and regret… When we feel like life has become a never ending black hole of disappointment after disappointment?…

And what about the awkwardness of it all?.. The reality that we feel out of place in this ever changing world of chaos and confusion… The truth that, because we followed a plan, well life feels like a strange place to exist in….

How do we cope?… How do we manage through the reality of our lives?… What do we do?…

This is how I feel…

This is how my family feels…

This is how my friends feel…

And I’m not saying life is awful and terrible and full of regret and heartache… Trust me, I can be one of the most logical yet optimistic people around… But I am saying heartache does happen… And sometimes, well a lot of times, it can be coupled with more heartache…

And sometimes we just want to scream at God, or whatever higher-being we might believe in… And we want to scream at Him very loudly… (I do this)…

Because… Well what else are we supposed to do?… All of our human efforts have been exhausted…

And honestly, I wish I could solve the world’s problems… Really I do… Haha… But I can’t…

So, what do I do when my mind constantly tries to navigate and problem solve through the highs and lows of life?..

Honestly, well that’s when I have to rely on my identity… The identity I’ve chosen to accept… The identity I know, at the end of the day, will never leave me… A truth about life I believe supersedes time and space…

Because, I have moments, sometimes everyday… Moments when I just want to scream because one more “thing” has happened… A “thing” that is not according to “Amanda’s Plan” for life…

But then reminding myself of who I am and who I belong too, well it truly does help… I find a level of peace that I didn’t have before… And then I just move on to the next, maybe, chaotic moment…

And I honestly believe that life that doesn’t go according to our plan is good… It’s healthy… Altogether “life-changing,” if we can choose to embrace the reality that life has changed…

Because, without the highs and lows, well life would be boring… Really, really boring… (I hate to be bored)… And I believe we need the ups and downs, because without them… Well how would we ever truly be shaped into authentic beings, who can extend compassion and love to people who are where we’ve been before?…

 

 

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