Reacting to the Noise…

If the journey of life is really, truly about the process… About the ups and downs we feel emotionally, then I am right on time…

Because my soul feels down… Like it’s dragging around in the tangibleness of life…

I am an emotional being… I get overwhelmed when life doesn’t work out the handful of ways I believed it would… I get angry with God over expectations I create around things He’s placed and spoken in my life… I explain, “You put me on this path… Why isn’t it working?!”

And then I am quickly reminded that I steered the path in my mind the direction I wanted it to go…

And when this happens, I loose quality of life…Because I become overwhelmed, overworked and feisty…

My sister said the wisest thing to me yesterday… “Amanda I think you need to learn to react to situations better… To not overreact or underreact, but just maintain a lifestyle of grace and peace… To just be…”

And I believe this is vital for me… For the health of my soul… Because my spirit constantly longs to be in God’s presence, to just connect and stay connected… To never leave Him… But then my soul longs for all sorts of things… It gets pulled whereever I lead it in that moment… Which causes it to become overwhelmed by the world, my life and the lives of others…

There’s so much noise… Too much noise…

And my reaction to the noise of life is poor… I look at the tangible and it overwhelms me… Because it is continuing to crumble very quickly… My dad, my aunt, my grandmother, my grandfather (has been moved to Texas), their homes, our home…

Where do we go?.. What do we do?.. It’s all still changing quickly…

And though I know my identity cannot lie in anything tangible, I find myself clinging to it- All of it… It’s my childhood… My youth… All that I know… It feels like it’s coming to an end… A quick end, and I have absolutely no control over it at all…

Plus, I’m starting a business, meaning. I don’t have the funds to “save” all of these “things”…

And this is where I believe my ability to react comes in… Because in God’s presence, my soul becomes quite enough to just be

So my reactions must become a series of being… A constant stance in the midst of our shaking world… A tree firmly planted, unmovable on the foundation of God…

Because I believe being firmly planted in God and His presence is where I am made healthy and completely whole: spirit, soul and body…

 

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