Why is it so challenging to admit how we really feel on the inside? Why does it feel like a battle to express that we don’t like who we are in this present moment of life?
You see, for the most part, I love who I’ve become as I cultivate life with God… But then there’s this deep part of me that deeply struggles with feeling unwanted and undesirable. Honestly, it’s a root in my life that’s was planted a long time ago… And it’s grown into this awful creature that tries its best to dictate and control a portion of my life.
But you know what? I’m tired of it. I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m ready to feel the opposite of how I’m feeling now.
And I get it… God has to restore this part of my life so that He can fill me with more of His love and then make me healthy and whole on the inside, but then I do wonder… What will I be like on the other side of this? What will I have to surrender to Him so that I can be whole in this area once and for all? And will the surrender be a challenge for me at all?
And honestly, I believe it’s been a challenge to surrender this. I mean I’ve known this area and allowed in to define me for at least 24 years. However, if I don’t let it go… Well then I can never truly become all that God has created me to be. And I also will never fully know what it means to live a life where you feel wanted and desired. So I guess… Well I guess it’s time to let it go to the wind.