I’m convinced the most challenging part of being selfless is the reality that you gain virtually nothing from it. Sure there’s some type of intangible lesson learned… But as far as tangible gain, it’s not there.
And that’s where I am right now… Wrestling with God over this idea… Over this lifestyle of being selfless. He told me He’d bring me to this place, a place where I’d be left with nothing more than Him and His wants and needs for my life and others… And so, here I am.
However, He didn’t tell me what came after this place of selflessness. He didn’t tell me I’d have to pitch a tent and live here and that my soul would constantly feel at war. He didn’t tell me that I’d have to grow and adapt and fully embrace every inch of this. He didn’t tell me it would seem confusing, or that I would be frustrated with my reality.
Instead… He just made selflessness sound so good and appealing. He sold me the idea because He knew I’d follow through like I always do.
And so this morning I sat and said, “But what about me?! Don’t I get some kind of something? A reward? Anything?” He said, “No… That’s the point. There’s no reward to being selfless. You have no personal gain. You’re doing this for the gain of others and my Kingdom. It’s not about you. It’s about Me.”
And so… As angry as I wanted to be with Him… I picked myself up and just embraced what He said. I mean He was and always is telling the truth.
And as seemingly frustrated as I feel about where God continues to lead me as I follow, I’m convinced that there has to be some kind of method and outcome to His madness. There just has to be.🌸🌱 #cultivatelife