My goal as a writer for the past 8-10 years has always been centered around having the vulnerability to share the inner workings of myself and my relationship with God. To give a first-hand, in the moment account of a cultivated life. My heart is always aiming to demonstrate how Holy Spirit is working to refine and restore parts of me, as He pushes me towards deeper levels of development, maturity and growth.
Some days (like today) I struggle. I struggle with the inner cultivation of myself and how I should communicate it properly.
Which is why embellishing on my current reality feels more challenging than usual. So please, try to follow what I’m expressing.
The perseverance it’s taken to reach today hasn’t been a cake-walk. The spiritual and mental determination to keep moving forward with the plans of God has felt, at times, utterly impossible from my soul’s perspective. People often say to me, “You’re so strong to keep going… To stay so committed to following Holy Spirit with such a submissive heart.” And while it’s true, it does require strength… None of the strength I’m using belongs to me. I’ve actually asked God for it because I know I need His power, strength and grace to empower all of me: spirit, soul, heart and body. Without eternal reliance and relationship with Him, I am weak and broken.
Right now, I am learning that perseverance is much more challenging when you’re in a place of persevering (in several areas: personally, and in business), only for God to come and say, “Amanda, here is the next step. Except for this step is less of a step and more of a paradigm shifting way of operating in My kingdom. It will actually make the steps you’re taking seem more effortless, but you must apply it.”
Of course, a more effortless route is so appealing, but then I sit back and consider the responsibility and the serious learning curve I’ll need to submit to in order for this to become a component of my lifestyle.
And that… That is my hang up… The responsibility.
But you know… I cannot become overwhelmed by the thought of the responsibility. I cannot become consumed with the hard work and training that will have to take place in order for this to become a facet of my lifestyle. I cannot embrace the lies I hear about how difficult this will be because then I will empower the liar. And I certainly cannot embrace fear, doubt or unbelief in any way because then I will begin to lose my strength and authority to cultivate this reality.
And I don’t know if I am making complete sense, but my soul keeps saying, “If you obey God, then this path you’ve been paving and persevering down is going to be absolute hell! It’s going to be so heavy and exhausting to blaze forward!”
However, God’s given the instruction. And He’s not asking for my opinion about it. No, He wants my complete submission and obedience to the instruction no matter how my soul feels about it. Which means, even if I don’t love the idea of another responsibility, I became responsible the moment He gave me the instruction. So, I must step forward and simply obey. He has and He will continue to supply the power, strength and grace needed for the responsibility at hand. 🌱