It’s very rare that I struggle with expressing myself. My family jokes that I normally reach my word quota by 9am every morning. HA! I can’t help it. I just have so much to say. I love to use my words to process ideas and build solutions. My voice… My words… They are tools God’s given me to build my world and my future.
So, it’s very rare that I go this long without writing a blog. But… Here I am. It’s been 14 days since I’ve shared something. And I know you might be thinking, “Amanda, it’s okay that you haven’t shared anything.” And you’re right. It’s absolutely okay; however, deep down, I know something is up…. And that something is, I don’t know who I am becoming right now. I can’t put my finger on what God is doing inside of me and where He is pointing “next.”
Three months ago, I opened myself up to following Holy Spirit into a significant and somewhat rigorous season of change. Meaning that all I’ve known for the past 90 days is the word “change.” Holy Spirit said, “We are changing. It is the only way forward.” And, I’ve taken it in stride. I’ve taken every ounce of it and walked in it, with it and through it. However, now I feel like I am wandering around in somewhat of a limbo. My spirit, soul, heart and body are now able to access new dimensions of frequency, freedom and faith; however, I don’t know how to engage it. All of the recalibration has left my soul feeling a little off center and directionless, constantly asking, “What are we doing? Where are we going? Why are we here? Why aren’t we there? Why don’t we have solutions for all of ‘those things’ yet?!”
Now you might be thinking, “Well Amanda, call your spirit forward and work with her.” And try as I might, she is quiet. Heaven is quiet. Yes, I can hear Holy Spirit, but He’s not saying anything fantastically significant, which is uncomfortable for me.
So now you might be thinking, “Where are you going with this ramble?” To be honest, I don’t know. But I do want to say this, change is necessary. Evolution is necessary. We have to continue to change and evolve to become all of who the Father created us to be. Unfortunately, in the midst of becoming, we look around and wonder, “Who am I becoming? So much has changed in me in such a short amount of time. I don’t know the person that I’ve become. I don’t know this new skin I am in. I know I need to be this person because the change has been very, very good; however, I feel like an alien in my own world now. I feel like I am fumbling around in the broad daylight with the responsibility of acquiring new tools and new skills to adapt to my reality. But then, the new skin of my reality is somewhat awkward and complex. I don’t know how to navigate it. I knew how to navigate with the old, but the new is different. It’s different and foreign.” 🌱
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