complain · keep moving forward · Perseverance · soul · Spirit · weary

Onward & Upward: Pressing Past the Soul

I am weary, God. I am very weary. I don’t enjoy this process of maturity that asks me to keep climbing upwards. It is a high peak where we are going. My soul doesn’t like this. My soul wants to give up and walk away. I don’t like this at all.

Holy Spirit said, “Okay… Are you finished? Are you finished whining and complaining about what I told you would be challenging? I prepared you for this. I forewarned you of this climb upward. I told you this would take effort and that you would have to keep your eyes steadily on me at all times. I gave you what you need to climb. I gave you a harness and all of the necessary items. I didn’t send you unprepared. I would never send you unprepared. I told you to let go and rest if you needed to. I told you to just hang there for a moment and catch your breath. 

Amanda, I see your soul. I see that it is in its own form of self-induced anguish because it wants to be somewhere else right now. But you must keep climbing. You two must keep going. You must not give up now. Too much is at stake. Look at all of the things I’ve opened up for you. Look at the connections I’ve given you.

So, tell your soul to stop being such a whiner. Tell it to close its mouth. Tell it to sit down and wait for further instruction. There are many ways I will have you use your soul this week, but complaining isn’t one of them. 

Now… Now forge a path forward with today. Take the steps down the path I’ve laid out for you and do not be afraid. Do not lose hope.”

And, with that, Holy Spirit said, “Call George (my chief angel) forward. So, I did. George said, “What do you need?” I said, “I need to know how to move forward in this delicate moment.” He said, “Amanda, who said it was delicate? We (the angels) already did the work. You must just cross paths with it all now. You must embrace every single day with a heart that is ready to tackle the contents of each item you’ve been assigned to create this year. Trust Heaven. You two (my sister and I) must lean heavily into Heaven in this new year. You must rely on us in ways you’ve never relied on us before. We are all here. 100% accessible. 

Amanda, the power struggle between your spirit and soul is good because, as you keep choosing to go, you begin to realize how vitally important it is to walk in the light and the life that it brings you. 

Amanda, growing weary is for those leading from their souls. Your soul will always grow weary. It isn’t designed to lead. The soul isn’t a leader, so it loses steam very, very quickly. This is one of the reasons your world has so many ill people. Running about with worry, anxiety, stress and fear… They lead from their souls, rather than following their human spirit, who should be following Holy Spirit. 

You are able to fully engage the contents of the day when you chose to let your soul sit back and rest until it is needed. There is always a time and a place for the soul, but that time and place is after the spirit has received a direction for forward movement. From there you can move with the soul. But until then, your spirit… Your spirit must be in the lead, growing with us… Growing with Holy Spirit… Growing with Heaven. Your spirit must be prepared to receive the next step, so then it can hand the step to your soul. And, then your soul can work to bring that step forward in the earth.

Let me tell you something about the soul… The soul is very swayable. It can be swayed by the darkness. It can be conned into believing that the darkness is chief and supreme. It can start to believe lies, manipulation and deception very quickly. If your spirit isn’t plugged into Holy Spirit and constantly receiving peace, love and joy from the realm of Heaven, then your soul can’t be renewed. The soul must be renewed through the spirit. Having the mind of Christ is following after the spirit’s lead above all.

Amanda, people need to hear this. They need this so, so much. This year will be two things. It will either be dark or light. For those walking in the dark, expect them to be drawn into the darkness more if they do not meet the Father. For those in the light, expect them to draw closer to Heaven. Then there are also those in false light, which could go either way. Watch for that.” 🌱

complain · grow · heart · mature · soul

This is Who I Am

I sat down to pout. I sat down to sulk. I sat down to complain about how frustrated I felt. And then… All in one moment… I stopped myself. I stopped myself and said, “Amanda, you don’t do this anymore. You’ve outgrown this place where you get upset over things that are out of your control. You’ve moved past feeling overwhelmed with “the follow” and where He’s leading you. You no longer contain the capacity to roll your eyes and then sarcastically walk down a somewhat fearful, self-paved road screaming, “What’s next?!?!” You’ve reached a place of maturity and you MUST continually live in it!!!”

Yeah…. That was the inner dialogue between my spirit, heart and soul. My spirit reminding my heart and soul that we don’t sulk around anymore about where God is taking us. Instead, we suit up, take hold of His ever-evolving assignments and move forward like the Warrior Queen He’s been cultivating.

And I don’t know if this resonates with you at all; however, I’m learning that maturity is one of the most attractive virtues to possess because of its steadfastness. It’s just this grand assurance and unwavering confidence, rooted so deeply within that it billows out, “This is who I am!”

And sure, sure maturity seems as though it takes eons to cultivate; however, once we’ve entered that place… Once we’ve come into that promised land, well it’s as if the fruit is everlasting because we have the capacity to stop ourselves when parts of us want to act childish, self-centered or unruly. We can stop ourselves and say, “I’ve been down this road before and it doesn’t produce any good fruit, so I mustn’t go forward.” 🌱 #cultivatelife

capacity · challenge · complain · develop · faith · fear · freedom · isolation · refine · relationship · surrender

The Isolated Life

Isolation. Oh gosh, I hate isolation. Actually, I hate the initial feeling of isolation. Have you ever felt it before? It’s this blatant reality that no one completely gets you, who you are or what you’re going through. And it’s deeper than feeling alone because when we’re isolated we aren’t actually “alone”.

You see… When we meet Jesus and begin to follow Holy Spirit, we jump onto an unpaved path scored with separation. It’s just this raw understanding that no one and nothing will understand us the way He does. I mean… There’s just so much intimacy born inside of the truth that no one will ever fully get me. Because, to get me, well… You’d have to be inside of my head and my heart. And I only know one dude that can fully and completely do that… God.

But you see, real, true freedom is the reality that our old self is dead, and now we are only surrounded and protected by God’s Holy Spirit. Jesus cut and will continue to cut us free from all darkness, sickness, disease, bondage and brokenness that we’ve ever experienced. And as He cuts us free, we begin to become more and more separated from who we used to be and what we used to know.

But the freedom… The feeling of living without darkness, decay and death, it’s just so… So good. It’s so good that we MUST embrace the unpaved path of isolation or we will become bound by insecurity and fear of the unknown.

And the isolation isn’t always so raw. As we develop, mature and grow in our relationship with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit we become really chill with being free. It becomes second nature to just sit with Him and be.

And I don’t know if you’re fully grasping where I’m coming from. You see I spend so much time in the undistracted presence of God that He’s captivated my whole heart. And in taking my entire heart I’ve been emptied of all the chaos and calamity that go on in my mind and heart and in our world. So much emptiness has happened that I’m truly free. And it’s the best feeling… A feeling I hope everyone I encounter will experience and receive. 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive

capacity · challenge · complain · faith · fear · follow · just live · patient · peace · surrender

Wait-y

Patience… Patience is really, really, really challenging for me.

You see I’ve learned how to be patient with people and situations that are out of my control… But patience with God, myself and my own life…. Well that’s a completely different story.

You see I just don’t like to wait. Waiting… Well waiting seems SO boring and uneventful sometimes. And it doesn’t matter how many times God tells me to “wait” or “just be patient Amanda,” I still find myself complaining to Him like a small child who wants what I want NOW!

But I suppose I’m learning something while I wait. Because I see patience… I see the time that surrounds her is vital and good… And I guess… I guess it’s not so boring and uneventful if I seize this time to focus on other things while I wait.

Because one day… One day the waiting will be over. The waiting will be over and I just don’t want to look back and see that I wasted so much time complaining… Complaining rather than embracing what I have that’s so GOOD right NOW! 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive

complain · grateful · grow

Sassy and Entitled

When I was 14 years old all I wanted was a pink iPod mini… I mean, Apple had just really started to become cool and I “needed” one…

However, my parents didn’t just buy us whatever we wanted when we wanted it… We’d almost always have to wait until a birthday or Christmas… So I knew this was going to take some great convincing on my end…

For days I went round and round explaining to dad why I needed this new gadget… Finally, he decided if I helped him clean up his job site he would give me the money for the iPod mini…

So I agreed… And, for two weeks, in the heat of a Louisiana summer I cleaned up sheetrock inside of a 3-story house he was completing…

Of course, there were days  that I would whine and complain and get super sassy… I mean, “Come on, can’t dad just give me the money now” is all I would think…

But he was persistent that I finish the job and finish it well…

Now, don’t get me wrong… I don’t mind getting dirty or working hard today, but in that moment I was not about having to walk 3 houses down from my house everyday to be the clean up crew… I mean, I was super entitled

Entitlement… It’s a interesting word… An interesting word that I keep bumping into in the most random places… I’ve actually come face-to-face with it so many times lately that I decided to really search myself out… Asking God to reveal how entitled my heart is…

And, you know what I found?… I’ve discovered that deep in my heart is a place that believes I deserve all of the goodness around me… Somewhere in there my mind is convinced that life should stay on the rise, without falter…

I honestly believe I’ve taken complete and total advantage of the blessings I have too…

For example, this house we live in right now… All I can seem to focus on is the fact that it won’t sell and that we are losing money because of it… I can’t seem to see that I should be grateful to have the opportunity to even live in a house like this… I mean, I didn’t work hard to make the money to afford it… That’s what my parents did…

I also didn’t work hard for the finances that are paying the bulk of the bills to be here… Again, my parents did that… But I am so sassy all of the time about how much it sucks that we are in this situation…

I keep forgetting that I need to continue to cultivate a lifestyle of gratefulness... My heart and soul keep tip-toeing around the truth that the life I live is free from a lot of baggage, but that other people (and God) worked really hard so that I can live this way…

It wasn’t free for some… I had to watch my parents overcome a lot of adversity to build what my mom has today… It wasn’t a walk in the park for them…

And I don’t want to be entitled… Quite honestly I can’t stand to be around it when I see it in others… But then, well I reject it so harshly inside of myself…

You see, I guess what I am trying to express is that I need God to really help me become grateful for the things I don’t deserve but have been given… I really need Him to help me cultivate another level of humility…. A level that is willing to stay small because my identity and faith is in Him and Him alone… A mindset that is fixed on the truth that His Son gave me the freedom to live a lifestyle free from pain… And that, when I encounter pain, He will use what I don’t really deserve to rebuild and restore an area of my heart and soul… An area that is a little darker and eviler than it should be… An area that is longing to be filled with so much grace and gratitude…

addiction · anger · complain · disappointment · faith · relationship

Angry with God?..

Anger… How do I trudge through it with peace in my heart?! I really don’t know.. I definitely feel like I’ve been robbed of so much and that angers me… But more than anything anger is causing me to want to punch God in the face…

And it’s kind of funny… Because, in the past I’ve told others, “You can be angry with God. He can handle it more than anyone I know.” But… Here I sit with so much anger towards Him, and I don’t exactly know what to do with it all.

Why am I angry? Simply put, life is not going according to the plan of Amanda. So much has been shaken and removed from the foundation of my life. I’ve made so many Holy Spirit-led decisions… Decisions that cause me to think, “Why did I follow Him at all?! If I had known this would be life I would’ve created and followed my plans for life!”

And when it comes to Cultivate Life (the business I own), well that’s where I really want to scream at Him. Because nothing makes sense at all.

So, how do I continue to cultivate life in the mist of all of this anger? Food never helps. Complaining never helps. And since I am angry with God, He doesn’t seem to be my most trusted and helpful companion right now.

But isn’t it supposed to be faith (believing in God’s existence and that He’s rewarded us with goodness in the past) that gets us by in times like these? Life has been great in so many seasons before. I have seen opportunities constantly open up and I have felt so much excitement, joy and goodness in my heart…

But in this moment, well I don’t see any of those things happening… And it’s discouraging…

But then it’s been advised that I keep moving forward, even though I don’t feel inspired, motivated or excited at all…. That I move forward with patience, persistence and perseverance…

I guess that’s really what so much of this life is about though… That even when we don’t understand God and His ways that we still choose to follow Him because He does provide the most spiritually uplifting and good life.

But, I’m gonna be really honest. The closer I get to God, the more and more my relationship with Him is like a relationship with any person I am close too… And in any relationship there are times where you don’t really understand why a person does what they do… But I do love Him more than anything or anyone… And I do continue to talk to Him and spend time with Him all the time… But I still want to smack Him in the face and ask, “What the hell are you doing with my life because it’s super annoying and I feel like a fool for following you!”

But… Then, maybe I am on one of the biggest learning curves of my life to date… Meaning, when I look back, I’ll be grateful for the time of anger… Grateful for the growth. And even more grateful for God being God.

complain · selflessness · teamwork · will of God

Give to Gain

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Why do we complain so much? Why do we willingly choose to be irritated and annoyed when life doesn’t go are way or when… God forbid… We’re “put out.”

Since living in Cali I’ve been working on my selfishness and quite honestly it’s helped me realize how entitled I actually am.

My entitlement has come from several different things, but overall… I believe Americans are entitled. We think we deserve so much and we love the ideas of life and luxury… Of relaxation.

I say all of this because I’m sitting at the spa right now. No, I’m not here for myself. I’m here with the 12 year old girl I nanny for… It’s her birthday and so a 5 hour… Yes 5 hour spa day was part of her gift.

So I sit and wait…. And people keep saying, “I’m so sorry you have to sit and wait.”

But honestly, this is my job and I’m tired of hearing how obnoxious and annoying it must be to sit here and wait.

I mean, what else would I be doing? And I’m in a spa on a Saturday for goodness sake…. But I think that’s part of the American mindset… Constantly thinking of ourselves… Putting self over others…. Wanting everything to work out smoothly in our little world.

But honestly, that’s selfish. It would be selfish and very entitled of me to sit here and complain because I have to wait on another. It’s not like I’m bleeding or dying.

I think that’s something death has taught me. My dad had a reason to complain. He was in pain and he was bleeding and dying. But he wasn’t complaining. He was just living.

And now I get super annoyed with myself and others when I hear whining over petty little things. Over getting paid to sit and watch children or getting called into work and no one being there…. It’s ok people.

Life goes on and honestly, I believe, we should look more into serving others and giving to others than to ourselves. It’s not about us.

And maybe I’m maturing and maybe I’m wrong in all of this….. But I just wish we would all strive a little more to think outside of ourselves for once.

When I took this job, as a nanny, I knew it would teach me a lot and help me out of situations I was in…. However, I didn’t see myself wanting to help, serve and give to others at the capacity that I am now.

I never saw that in helping me, I would be taking me out of the equation….

But in a way, isn’t that a goal of life?

That we all work together for a common goal so that we can see others changed? So that the world becomes a little bit brighter with what we choose to leave behind?

If so, I hope I’m doing just that…. Leaving the light from the inside of me behind… Letting it touch the hearts and souls of those around me so they can become a little brighter too…. Sharing my wealth…

Because at the end of this day, the smile on the birthday girl’s face will say it all. Her happiness and knowledge that I truly care will make her world a little brighter…. Which in return will make my life a little brighter…. And I’m ok with that.