Can I be honest?… I think about life and death A LOT!
Seriously though… I think about the reality of mortality and what it means to be fully alive on the inside constantly.
Now, recently the Holy Spirit said, “Just live this summer Amanda. Take the next three months and really focus your attention on living.” Of course I needed to know what He meant… So I asked, and this is what He said…
“When you focus your attention on the past, you’re focusing on death. When you focus your attention on the future, you’re too focused on life. I’m asking you to focus your attention… To focus all of who you are on living. And to focus yourself on living is to focus on just being. I know it’s a lot to ask… Especially with your culture, and the anticipation it has to be in tomorrow. But I just need you to do this. I need you to continue to cultivate this habit until it becomes your lifestyle.”
And I don’t really know how this will shift who I am; however; I’ve already begun to realize how stupid I am for ignoring the present.
You see if you’re anything like me then you’ll understand what it feels like to be miserably obsessed with getting to tomorrow. It’s a constant state of not allowing today to be enough because we’ve been taught to fear being content with the present. It’s almost like it’s taboo to say, “I’m choosing to be fully present today.”
But you know… If I can’t get my mind off of tomorrow and I’m constantly thinking about what it will produce, well then I think I’ll wake up one day in my 70s and realize I’ve wasted my life away by being too concerned about tomorrow. I’ll miss the opportunity life gave me to just live and be fully alive from the inside out.
And I’m not saying choosing to just live means I’m going to become lazy or inactive… But what I am saying is I’m trying to make a better attempt at fully leaving the past in the past and allowing the future to unfold one present moment at a time. š± #cultivatelife #justlive
Five years ago today I watched my dad take his last breath. All in one moment the reality of death made his appearance in my life.
You see in today’s culture I believe it’s so easy to get caught up in our outer appearance, race, sexual orientation, religion and political background… But don’t forget, before any of that can matter, we are all intangible on the inside first and foremost. We’re all created with some type of God-spark that makes us eternal and immortal.
Unfortunately, it’s been quite a challenge to accept God’s love lately. I’ve just been so caught up in pain, anger, bitterness and sorrow. And, for a brief moment, I almost let them talk me into hardening my heart.
“Amanda, we slayed that giant in your life. Don’t you remember? Why are you stepping back into the fight with it again? Leave it alone. It’s dead in your life.”
I’m not one to wallow and get down about life and what I’ve lost, but lately I’ve found myself missing my dad more than I can explain. It’s sometimes unsettling the way he’s constantly on my mind, and then I’m forced to think about my reality. My mind begins to remind me that death happened, but that life has continued to go on around me.
You know 5 years ago this fall I decided Cultivate Life and I werenāt for each other. I was filled with utter confusion and deep pain as I found myself in the darkest season of my life. I promised myself Iād never allow anything to hurt me like that again because the pain I felt as I watched my hopes and dreams die was heart wrenching.
Four years have passed. Four years have passed and the view of my life has drastically changed. I’ve drastically changed.
