develop · discipline · focus · process

Relentless Self-Discipline

I’ve been told for the better half of my life that I have a lot of “self-discipline.” And while I’ve always attributed it to my father’s example in my life, in this moment I’m realizing something new…

You see I believe that in order to be self-disciplined you have to have something in you that relentlessly won’t give up. For me, that relentless is the Holy Spirit because He’s never given up on me or abandoned me. He simply believes in me because He sees me for who I really am. He sees the depth of my heart and who I can become if I continue to follow Him with my entire heart.

And I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been so wrong over the years… Because my self-discipline comes from the imprint the Holy Spirit has left inside of me. And though God is a bit chaotic, there is also an extreme balance to Him that cries for order. So, if you’re looking to become more of a self-disciplined person, then walk a little closer to the Holy Spirit. Get really up close and personal with His infallible love and determination to see you become all that He’s created you to be as you cultivate life!

assignment · challenge · courage · discipline · faith · fear

Sky’s the Limit… Right?

Over the past week or so something has been troubling my heart. Nothing bad has happened, but all of a sudden I feel very distant from God…

You see for almost a decade I feel as though I’ve been climbing this very, very tall, but bumpy mountain range. Now when I began my journey I had thoughts about what life would be like when I reached the top where the sky rested. I just knew in my heart it would equate to an authentic relationship with God, something to cherish and hold close to my heart. Something that reflected closeness and reality.

And, as I’ve climbed, I’ve definitely felt close to Him. At times I’ve looked parts of the sky straight in the eye and thought, “Gosh, I’m finally here. I’ve finally cultivated a relationship with God in this area of my life.”

However, at this place in my life… Well, I’m coming to what seems to be the highest point of the range I’ve been climbing. And, for some reason… Well I don’t feel the way I thought I would.

You see instead of feeling close to God, I look out at the journey below and look up at the sky above and I realize that there’s so much about God that I don’t know at all. In a way, the sky intimidates me because I know in my heart it stretches so far upward and sideways. And all of those thoughts and feelings about reaching the top and being close to God have somewhat disappeared because I realize that I am so very distant from who He really is.

Now, in this moment, well I feel two distinct things. Half of me is in awe that there is still so much to learn about Him (I mean, I’ve been at this concentrated journey for a decade. That’s a long time). But then the other half of me feels a little lost and a little confused because I don’t know where to go from here in my relationship with Him. It’s all very puzzling to me.

And, sure eventually the Holy Spirit will point the way. But right now I can’t help but sit here amazed, yet questioning God and who He actually is.

challenge · discipline · fear · keep moving forward · process

I Don’t Know…

I don’t know… I don’t know where life is taking me…

And, in my opinion, none of us truly do…

But, aside from not knowing where life is taking all of us… Is the fact that following the Holy Spirit has been the best option I’ve chosen in life…

And, I’m going to be very honest… Following Him, His plan and His purpose can be exhausting for my soul…

I believe the soul to be our mind,will and emotions… The middle ground between our spirit and body that can sometimes become confused and a little overwhelmed… Especially when choosing to follow God’s lead…

Also, I like to know what’s next… Not so much because I’m terrified of the unknown, but more so because I just seek the ability to be in the loop… And, I more so fear missing out…

I fear missing out because I’ve always felt a little behind… A little on the outside compared to most people my age… Always arriving late…

And, sure, maybe it’s not really “late”… Maybe, in God’s eyes, I’m right on time…

Regardless, the truth I feel in this moment is not knowing… But, then choosing to be confident in not knowing… Releasing complete and total control to God… Because, at the end of the day, I firmly believe my life, my story, my time belongs to Him…

And maybe, just maybe as I continue to follow Him, not knowing will become a more comfortable place to be… An accepted place in my mind that says, “I don’t know and that’s ok because I will run into the next piece of this puzzle called life soon… And when I do, it will be good enough to move where ever God leads next”…