assignment · challenge · cultivation · follow · forerunner · grow · keep moving forward · Perseverance

Run Hard

“Run Hard. Persevere. Keep Moving Forward.” I tell myself these things every single day. They are the inner motivation I need to remain constant and consistent to the path I’m walking down with Holy Spirit. And the motivation is good. It does help me press forward in moments where I could become complacent; however, I do wonder…. 

What overwhelms you the most about following Holy Spirit’s lead? Is it acquiring the focus to listen to Him and then drawing near to truly hear what He’s saying? Or, do you find yourself challenged to discern and understand what He’s spoken and the direction He’s pointing you in because you’re conflicted between what your spirit believes versus how your soul might be interpreting? Or, are you like me… Finding yourself in several tough moments where you hear Him and understand Him, but don’t necessarily want to move forward because it’s going to require you to really endure more challenging moments than before?

I’ve been in a sprint for what seems like three months now. I’ve been in a moment that’s caused me to really press in and run as hard as I can with the direction of Holy Spirit, while pulling from Heaven as I need it. And the sprint has been good. The sprint has actually produced several significant breakthroughs, followed by a flow of revelation, wisdom and understanding that I didn’t have before; however, the sprint… The run hard moment has also left my soul feeling weary because it still wrestles with submitting to my spirit and operating from a place of rest, while my spirit paves the way forward in the sprint.

And though I can’t really share the reasons I am sprinting right now, I can tell you I do hear Holy Spirit, my angels and a vast cloud of witnesses like never before. I do hear all of their voices and input about how I can really become great at sprinting in moments where I am aiming to cultivate the mental toughness to arrive on time at the end of the sprint, gaining everything I’ve been pursuing for the Kingdom of God.

Yesterday, after making a business decision that will advance things greatly, I heard Holy Spirit say, “I see you’re here seeking direction. Remember Heaven will give you everything you need. We will make it look flawless. The run hard moment was for this moment. I know you are so weary in your soul from this journey. I see all of the hope deferred inside of you. I see your longings and I hear your cries. Amanda, I haven’t forgotten about you, but you must not cave in right now. Rise above what your soul is feeling. Rise above it and access the faith of your spirit. Access the divine nature of your spirit. Do not be afraid of it at all. It is so useful and helpful for such a time as this. I know this journey has been long and filled with seasons of disappointment, delay and frustration, but you must… I repeat you must keep moving forward. Always. That is My order to you. Do not be afraid either. There’s nothing to fear.”

And I don’t know if you are challenged with following Holy Spirit; however, I am here to encourage you to keep going. Don’t give up on the plans He’s laid before you and the path He’s placed you on. Be brave in moments where He’s leading you into more levels and layers of refinement so that you can come forth ready and willing to develop, mature and grow into all that He has for you. And, most importantly (I have to tell myself this a lot), remember that following Holy Spirit is a lifestyle. It’s a cultivated lifestyle. We are all in different lanes with Him according to the assignments He’s created for us. We are all growing and maturing at different rates. Each one of us has different layers of iniquity or past moments of darkness that try to hold us back from moving forward, but it’s okay because His grace divides the darkness of who we are and who we’ve been from who we are truly meant to be. Also, we aren’t in a race with each other. This isn’t a competition where we compare our growth rates and patterns. Instead, we are following Him to continue to help reveal the Kingdom of Heaven in the earth. And some days seem easier than others. But, more than anything, be encouraged to just keep going. Do not become stagnant in your spiritual walk. And please, find a community of people that are open to helping you mature and grow into every ounce of destined potential Heaven has written and recorded about you. 🌱

capacity · forerunner · isolation

Square Peg, Round Hole

“Fit in… just fit in Amanda. Figure out how to fit in and then you’ll be happy and confident and secure and complete!!”

This has been a narrative I constantly play out in my head. It’s been a narrative that’s taken possession of every season and chapter of life I’ve ever entered and lived through… This longing, this desire and want to just fit in and fit in well with those around me that are popular and leading the so called “pack” of life.

The funny thing is… It’s never worked.

Fitting in for me has never happened. Ever.

Sure I have dreams of fitting in with the world around me, but then I am left very disappointed when it just doesn’t happen. And then I’m left even more disappointed when I feel like an outsider and a loner because I can’t fit.

After my grandmother was healed she said she always felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. And while I’m not trying to take the words from her mouth, this is kind of what it feels like for me.

Funny thing is all of this trying to “fit” has produced A LOT of self-centeredness in my heart and soul…. Because, rather than being confident and secure in the way God has created me… Rather than standing firm in who I am as Amanda, well I find myself doing everything in my power to fit into that round hole.

So now, well I find myself having to set aside this deep want to fit. I find myself having to let go of the source of my insecurity. Because the insecurity has led me down a very unsatisfying road… One filled with endless thoughts in my mind that cause me to feel small and inadequate and unworthy.

However, God keeps telling me to just “stand firm. Stand firm in who I’ve created you to be Amanda and you will stand out as yourself.” And I don’t know if anyone else feels like that right now, in this place where you keep trying to fit to finally feel complete, but I just want you to know it doesn’t work. It’s exhausting and time consuming and ironically very self-centered from the way in which God would like us to be. Because instead, He needs us to stand firm and be secure in who we are in Him. He needs us to be all that HE needs us to be, and not what we see by viewing someone else’s projected life. And yeah, it does feel a little bit uncomfortable at first to let go of this way of life; however, once we’ve done it… Well we’ll find ourselves in more peace and satisfaction than before. Plus, not fitting in might actually cause us to stand out.

capacity · courage · develop · faith · forerunner · process

Another Leap

Another leap of faith with God is verbally in the books… From my mouth, to His ears… I’m gonna follow what seems crazy and strange again. Because I’ve chosen to leave doubt and fear right where they’re at.

And well… This leap means so much to me on so many levels of life.

Mainly? Well mainly it means I’m choosing to trust God again in areas of my life where I’ve felt utterly disappointed.

You see, in the past I’ve found myself following the Spirit and what He’s said for my life, but then I’ve taken the fullness of what He’s said out of context. I’ve placed my guidelines around what He’s spoken. And in doing so, I’ve expected things that were not for that season of life. And… as a result, I’ve found myself hateful, angry, bitter and disappointed with God. He didn’t fulfill things the way I wanted them done or when I wanted them done.

However, experience has taught me that God never breaks His promises… And, when it’s time, He will fulfill all that He’s spoken to my heart.

So, that’s why I find myself here. I hear what He’s saying and I want to doubt because the past hasn’t happened like He said or like I envisioned, but then He’s saying, “Now. Now it is actually time for so much of what I’ve promised you years ago. So much of what you’ve hoped for and dreamed about.” Meaning, I’m choosing to let the past be the past. I’m choosing to let go of the anger, bitterness, resentment, hatefulness and disappointment towards Him. I’m choosing to simply take a leap of faith again.

And yeah, I’m aware I might get let down; however, if I don’t leap with the Spirit’s lead, I’ll never know what happens when I hit the ground.