brokenness · darkness · division · Fullness of Jesus · govern · grace

Division

About a month ago, I was speaking with one of my angels. I saw him walking in the distance from a field. He came closer with a scroll. He said, “I have the scroll, but this part needs to be unlocked.” Then, I saw another tiny scroll inside of the larger one, but it was locked. Now, the angel had the key he needed to unlock the scroll (I gave him a few days before); however, he needed my lead to unlock it. So, with my commission, he unlocked the tiny scroll inside. The scroll began to unroll. It rolled and rolled and rolled. I said, “It’s longer than the large scroll.”  Topucca the angel replied, “Yes longer, but secret knowledge is contained inside.”

So, what did the tiny scroll contain? 

“The old ways of receiving and knowing Jesus are in the past. We are in a new paradigm where who He is will be presented very differently. But it will be a whole and complete way and method. 

Jesus is so many things. People have been deeply distracted from this truth because of religion’s desire to suffocate the truth. The more Jesus is suppressed, the less people know the Father, His heart and the realm of Heaven in its fullness. Remember, Satan’s goal is to always oppose the Father, drawing people deeper into darkness and pain.

Most humans see themselves as flawed, broken and deeply wounded. And they are. Don’t get me wrong. Humanity is flawed, fractured and broken; however, and there’s more… There’s a deeper truth that draws humans in, which is that they can… You can be divided from that brokenness. God can separate the dark from the light. He sees his children in right standing through Jesus, and He wants to pull you into a deeper measure and fullness of His light and His love. 

Humans think of division as an evil thing because of the current culture. But there is a basic meaning to it. To split in two. To sever. To cut in half. It’s not an evil thing. Satan, in his corruption, has used division for evil purposes. Just like he has twisted light for his own gain.

Division is a word that isn’t used in the current believing culture. But it’s a word that I would have you use as an ecclesia, as a body of governing believers over the heavens and the earth. I would have you use the word divide.”

Fascinating right?! God is a divider. He’s in the business of division. He is in the business of splitting us from the evil, darkness and iniquity that dwells in us, through us and within our realm of life.

Just the image of it. Just the language itself. It’s powerful. Like Topucca said to me, “It’s very, very piercing. This word carries weight and it travels quickly throughout the ethosphere. It’s taps deeply on the foundational essence of humanity.”

Truly, it contains much more than my soul can comprehend. I’ve needed my human spirit to grasp this truth and cultivate a lifestyle of it over the past month. 

Now, you might be wondering, “How are you cultivating a lifestyle of division?” Well, I followed Holy Spirit’s lead when Topucca said this, “That’s all vulnerability is Amanda. It’s the expression of evil, darkness, pain and iniquity. Truth (no matter what it is) gains its power when darkness is brought out into the light. As soon as it’s spoken from a place of rawness, intimacy and vulnerability, the light captures the darkness and begins its process of division.”

So, division is where I’ve been resting. I’ve begun to rest on the truth that God is always in the business of dividing us from evil and darkness with light, and that light is Jesus. Jesus isn’t a man in a story book. He isn’t the hype that religions argue about. Instead, He is a very real and alive. He dwells in realms and dimensions we cannot see with our physical eyes, but must see and experience through the eyes of our activated human spirits. 

And He wanting to divide us from the darkness and pain we are currently experiencing, but we must become vulnerable enough to express it. We must not be afraid to share the deepest measure of our hearts, no matter what it might look like. Because, once we do… Once we’ve shared the darkness lurking around inside of us and the realm that surrounds us, then God has the opportunity to split us from the darkness with His light… Bringing more life, love and peace than we’ve ever experienced before. 🌱

darkness · death · grace · grow · just live · life

But It’s Not Dead…

IMG_1689I am a firm believer that constant growth is simply part of life… That in order to move forward, even when we don’t feel motivated, we must be willing to just grow…

For about two and a half years I believed huge portions of my life were dead and truly gone… That it was no longer in my best interest or God’s best interest to move forward with what I believed was going to become a reality…

In those moments… If you compared me to a tree, I felt like the weather in my environment had severely damaged me… From the outside, well I just saw a lot of darkness… A lot of things didn’t make sense… I felt really beat up and jaded…

So moving miles away was the best solution in the moment… To just get away from the heartbreak, truth and shock that life wasn’t working the way I thought and planned…

And then to truly start over… Because anything would be better than continuing to live from the place I was in…

But then… Well God’s done something to my heart… Because I thought this was all over… That I left it behind with all of my hurt, pain and fear…. That so many intricate parts of my life were dead… Never to breathe again… That I would support my friends and family from the sidelines of life… That everything God had spoken to me so long ago… Well that it would never become a reality… That I bought a bunch of lies and He didn’t need me to do what He placed in my heart… That it was over…

But, now God… In His grace… He’s shown me that it doesn’t matter what the environment around a tree looks like… Because even when there are severe storms and destruction… Even when we feel hurt, destroyed and jaded… Well it doesn’t take away from the growth within… It doesn’t take away from the tree at its roots… Because the seeds planted will still burst forth from the ground when it’s time… And what is good will still survive and thrive… To truly become all that it was intended and created to be…

grace · love of god · relationship · value & worth

Worthy of Love…

Worthy of love…

It’s what “Amanda” means…

Though most of the time I find myself very unaccepting of love… Almost shying away from the love God wants to share with me…

To me… It’s seems so simple to have this bosom friendship with the Holy Spirit… Because in all honesty I love guidance, direction and counsel on life… I enjoy curiosity, mystery and the thrill of the friendship with the Holy Spirit…

But then… Well when it comes to actually allowing God… God the Father to love me… I am so good at ignoring it… Almost forgetting it’s there…

But… Now… Now as I seem to have come to a certain place… Well I see that, in this moment, my relationship with the Holy Spirit doesn’t matter…

It shouldn’t come first…

And God is beginning to unfold to me what it means to be worthy of love… That even in the midst of the run around my mind and soul have done… Well He says things like, “I don’t care… I don’t care about the runaround… About the time you think you might’ve lost… I don’t care…”

And in that… Well… It’s just grace… It’s just being so worthy of something that I feel so undeserving of…

Grace and worthiness that says, “It doesn’t matter where you are… Where you’re going… Or why you are doing those things… Just be still, relax and allow me to love you…”

And in so many ways I am unsure of where my life is going… Where the path in front of me seems to be leading…

But… For a moment… How ever long it lasts… I’m going to stop, relax and just allow myself to experience the worthiness of God’s love…

anger · bitterness · forgiveness · grace

Mutual Forgiveness

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I feel offended… I feel bitter…. Actually I know I’m bitter deep down… I’ve gone round and round about bitterness lately… But this… This is different…

I have a close friend I’m bitter with and all stories and hurt aside… Well it’s still this feeling like I’ve been wronged…

Since I left Dallas… Since I walked away from so much… Well so much has changed…. And my relationship… My relationship with God has changed…

I think I began to feel wronged by him as I began to discover and learn things about myself and my life… When he started showing me things that I didn’t really want to see because…. Well it was painful a year ago to look at those things…

And within the pain… Within the truth I was feeling I began to feel like a victim… Like someone was treating me wrong…

And I’ve had a victim mentality my whole life… So it’s not a surprise that when I felt pinned…. Pinned in a corner with so much pressure and stress… Well I decided to blame someone… And that someone was God….

For about 3 months I’ve known I needed to work through this with him… Because deep down I know our relationship is just so different with the feeling of bitterness I have towards him…

It’s a feeling that puts distance between us… And it causes me to forget the great relationship we’ve had… The time it took to develop the relationship… And the amount of closeness I valued so very much…

All of a sudden I realized I’ve been treating this relationship like it’s common…. Common and cheap… Like it was easily cultivated…

And none if that is true…

So when I began to think about these things today… When I began to realize truth… Before I had the opportunity to say I’m sorry and ask him to forgive me… For my good, close friend to forgive me… Well he spoke up first and asked if he could be vulnerable…

He asked if I would forgive him… And then as he began to explain details to me… Well it was more than I knew what to do or feel in the moment…

Because I felt guilty at first that I hadn’t said anything to him first, but then I felt aw…. Pure aw that God was asking me… Someone so small and insignificant to forgive him… And then I almost began to cry because I realized that’s how amazing and real he is…

He’s such a great friend…. He’s such an honorable and loving being…

Before this moment… I would’ve never imagined God would ask something like that because I know I’m the one that’s always lacking… Always messing up and making life complicated…

So this moment was special to me… And I want to take this moment to tell him in words… In writing… That I forgive him and that I’m so sorry for everything that happened a year ago… I’m sorry and I want to move forward now with grace….

A mutual grace between the two of us that can strength and mature this relationship….

And you know what… It’s something that I feel good about… Because it’s fresh and new…