capacity · challenge · complain · faith · fear · follow · just live · patient · peace · surrender

Wait-y

Patience… Patience is really, really, really challenging for me.

You see I’ve learned how to be patient with people and situations that are out of my control… But patience with God, myself and my own life…. Well that’s a completely different story.

You see I just don’t like to wait. Waiting… Well waiting seems SO boring and uneventful sometimes. And it doesn’t matter how many times God tells me to “wait” or “just be patient Amanda,” I still find myself complaining to Him like a small child who wants what I want NOW!

But I suppose I’m learning something while I wait. Because I see patience… I see the time that surrounds her is vital and good… And I guess… I guess it’s not so boring and uneventful if I seize this time to focus on other things while I wait.

Because one day… One day the waiting will be over. The waiting will be over and I just don’t want to look back and see that I wasted so much time complaining… Complaining rather than embracing what I have that’s so GOOD right NOW! 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive

addiction · challenge · patient · will of God

Every Single Time

If you were to ask me what I battle with the most today… I wouldn’t say a sugar addiction, body insecurities, the fear of being alone, pride, jealousy and envy or even a broken heart. Instead I would say, “The will… The will of God.”

You know I believe His will is the most complex thing I’ve EVER encountered. It’s just so full of mystery and misunderstanding. And following it, for me, is still challenge.

I mean He keeps asking that I keep giving up everything I’m holding to grasp something higher… Something more evaluated and holy than what my mind possesses.

And yeah, sure that sounds cool… But remember being human means I’m selfish. I still want what I want when I want it. And… I also want to understand why He keeps saying, “Be patient Amanda. Be patient with my timing. And until that time, follow what I say.”

But then He knows… Gosh He knows me so well. And He knows I will chose Him and what He wants EVERY SINGLE TIME.

And I don’t know if you understand this. I hope that you do. I hope that you’ve chosen and continue to chose to follow Holy Spirit with your entire heart. Because when we do… When we actually constantly and consistently follow through with His will and His ways, well I believe we’ve begun to cultivate a lifestyle of following Holy Spirit. And… what’s better than that?! 🌱👑 #cultivatelife #justlive

assignment · grateful · patient · selflessness · will of God

Place Holder

Living in NY and working for your sister has its benefits… Like sitting on a trash bag in the rain at 6am while your sister sits across the street from you doing the same. Why were we sitting on trash bags in the rain at 6am?! Because two auditions were being held that day, and Bridget wanted to be seen at both of them! So… of course we have to get up early and wait in line, no matter the weather condition.

Now if you knew me 6 months to a year ago I would’ve complained the entire time and the night leading up to it all; however, God has drastically changed my heart… So I waited with a selfless/grateful heart!

And as I waited (number 34 in a line of at least 100+), I watched my sister stand at the head of her line on the other side… And that’s when revelation began to pour into my mind.

My entire life I’ve been told Jesus was selfless enough to take on all of my problems and pain in life so I could stand in the presence of God. And though I mindlessly believed it all because that’s how I was raised, my heart didn’t grasp any of it.

Well that all changed as I sat in the rain on a trash bag.

You see the path I’m on with God right now has continuously asked me to have a very humble, selfless heart… One that thinks of others before myself. So for the first time in my life I’m beginning to actually see what it might’ve been like for Christ to do something so amazing for us… So that we can live healthy, free lives: spirit, soul and body.

And let me tell you, watching my sister from across the street was really, really exciting. She was at the head of her line, promised a place in the audition room because I was willing to wait and be her place holder in the other line.

And did it pay off? Yeah… it did. She was seen at both auditions, and called back for the line she waited in.

And I guess what I’m trying to say is this… I am just so grateful to have a relationship with the God that continues to make me well from the inside out…  And it’s all because Jesus was selfless enough to stand in line for me. 💃🏻🙌🏻 #cultivatelife

follow · Fullness of Jesus · keep moving forward · patient

Remember When?

Remember when you were a kid and your parent said, “We’re not there yet. Sit back and enjoy the ride.”?… But then you, without understanding the concept of waiting, became overly frustrated and tired of riding…

That’s where I am in life right now. I am tired of this journey I’m on with God. I can’t explain it, but I’m just worn out with the bread crumb trail He keeps leading me down.

And I know the weariness of it all won’t last very long, but my question is, “What do I do until then? How do I stay content with my reality?”

You see I don’t understand how Jesus followed the Holy Spirit so well. There were moments when He seemed to wrestle with where He was being led, but for the most part He was so obedient to His Father in Heaven.

And I don’t know if you ever feel the way I do right now. But I do know that following God’s plan is a constant. It seems like just as we arrive at one destination He’s giving us the plan for the next journey. And if He’s not giving us the plan, then He’s asking us to wait on it until it’s fully developed.

And so I guess I want to encourage anyone that feels out of sorts with God right now to be patient. Be patient and be kind to yourself. I mean… You’ve come this far with Him right?! I believe in all of your travels He didn’t bring you this far to just leave you weary and tired from the journey. Instead, I believe He wants to lift you up and give you new strength for what ever is ahead.

capacity · faith · keep moving forward · patient

Going Down

If you’ve ever hiked a mountain before then you know the feeling that comes when you finally reach the top. In an instant all of the work it took to get there means nothing because you feel like you’re on top of the world. And, in a lot of cases, you can see for miles below.

Well over the last few days I had the opportunity to take a short trip to LA and hike my favorite mountain. On day one, our hike was essentially perfect. I was trilled to be in my element; however, day two was completely different. When we got to the top it was almost impossible to see what was below because a deep fog and rain had set in. And though I knew there was a buzzing city below, all I could see was the ledge in front of me.

As I starred off into the unseen distance, thoughts began to tumble through my mind. In that moment I knew we wouldn’t stay at the top for very long, but that we would have to make our way back down to the bottom. However, the hike down would most definitely be different than the hike up. Because on the way down we would be moving faster. The opposition of the climb wouldn’t be there, and we would be free to relax some and have fun.

For so many reasons that’s how I feel about life right now. The months of climbing have been painfully long and at times terrifying. I’ve wondered on many occasions, “When will this be over? When will we finally reach the top?” And, now that we’re at the top I can confidently see the goodness of God for miles.

However, like day two’s hike, there’s somewhat of a mystery to our journey down because a fog and rain have settled in. Meaning, I know in my heart there is so much of life waiting for me at the bottom, but I can’t see it. So, again it’s really going to take faith to put one foot in front of the other and walk down this mountain side.

And sure the journey down will be a lot faster, but it will be filled with things I might not be prepared for because I can’t see what’s in front of me. And yeah, that could create intimation and fear; however I’ve just got to climb down to be a part of whatever is happening at the bottom.