Doubtful Disbelief

“Stop what you’re doing!”… That’s what doubt and disbelief scream at me. “Stop what you’re doing and don’t move forward because you’re a fool and this is ridiculous.”

And it’s like that every time I step out in faith… I feel great at first. I feel like, I can “take on the world.” I feel like the hand of cards I placed on the table is being played nicely.

And then… Then huge waves of doubt and disbelief come. And they remind me of the past. They remind me how disappointed I’ve felt at times for excepting one thing and receiving another. They remind me how long the journey has been without the promises fulfilled. They remind me of the isolation I feel for following Holy Spirit instead of listening to man-made systems and structures. They remind me of the death, pain and sacrifice I’ve been through to get today… The people and places I’ve lost and the relationships that went sour. They remind me that I don’t know what I’m actually doing in life, nor do I have any control at all.

I hate doubt and disbelief.

But… Well, without them… Would taking the risk even be a thing? If my past, present and future weren’t all on the table ready to be gambled at my own free-will, then would I even be in God’s will?

And so I step back… I step back with humility, and I remember how much I develop, mature and grow every time I’m faithful. I remind myself that God’s never EVER left my side… If anything we’ve grown closer. I also remind myself how good it feels to flourish on the inside when I’m faced with challenge and adversity that are larger than me. And then… Then I step forward with a positive attitude and a clean, yet faithful heart. 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive

Focused?

If I’m honest… Well then I’d have to say my focus hasn’t been 💯 lately. I feel like I’ve gone from 6-10 moderate responsibilities to 15-20 serious responsibilities.

And it’s not that I don’t want to be focused. Trust me… I know God needs my focus more than ever right now.

But it took me being 6 drinks in (I don’t drink heavy) to hear God screaming at me about my level of focus. Actually it felt like I couldn’t escape His voice in that moment. And I told my sister about it… Her response, “I doubt He was yelling at you Amanda. You were probably just LISTENING! You were focused.”

And since that moment… Well my thoughts have felt more focused and centered. I’m making a mental and emotional effort to really zone in on everything He’s laid in front of me.

And I don’t know where you stand with focusing on the will of God in your life; however, I truly hope you wake up with every intent to pursue His purposes for your life. I mean, I know what He wants usually requires our selflessness… But then, it’s so rewarding to follow… To grow… To truly deepen the fullness of life He’s laid before us. And… Sometimes (when we really give it our all) we actually play a part in making a difference in our world 😉🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive #focus

One Broken Vessel

Healing and wholeness have always been such a pinnacle part of who I am. And it’s not a mystery to me why I’m drawn to the supernatural power of God. It’s in my spiritual DNA.

Growing up I saw my grandmother lay hands on countless people… People riddled with cancer, sick and dying from the inside out… And after she laid her hands on them, the power of the Holy Spirit transformed them… They walked away completely healed, whole and filled with life and the eternal.

Which is why there are days, like today, when I find myself so caught up on thoughts of restoration… On thoughts of what our country would look like if we would simply lower our prideful, misguided, broken hearts and pursue the healing power of God.

You see I believe healing and wholeness will come when we can truly recognize that we are so much more than flesh and blood… We aren’t our outer appearance. We aren’t race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion or political backgrounds and parties. We are eternal. We are spirits with souls… Souls that are longing to be made whole so that we can be led by Holy Spirit into the truth of Jesus Christ.

And I don’t know what it will take for our broken, dying and practically dead nation to see this truth. But I do pray… I pray that Jesus will continue to restore all that we are… One broken vessel at a time. 🌱♥️ #cultivatelife #justlive

But Are You Loyal?

Have you ever loved someone so much you’d practically do anything for them…. Even when you don’t want too because the thing you’ve been asked to do requires more of you than you’d really like to give?

I have.

Actually that’s where my relationship with God constantly stands. You see it’s become this place where I listen and I follow, even when it’s NOT what I WANT TO DO.

Because I remember being 17 years old. I remember my grandmother speaking into my life. I remember her saying, “Amanda I see where you’re headed in life. I see you on a path. You will stay very close to God. Your feet will never get off of His path.”

His path to life is an interesting one though. I spend more time with Him than anyone realizes… And I feel like in this time He takes all that I am that’s ugly and makes it beautiful. He completely uproots the negative, leaving love, peace and joy inside of me. You know, enough to leak out and share with others.

And I guess I’m sharing this because I want you to know that being loyal to your relationship with God is very fruitful. Yeah, it’s a constant choice of staying true to what He’s asked… But it’s also filled with more life and love than I ever imagined I’d encounter.

So if you know Him… If you’ve spent time in His presence and can hear His voice, than please be encouraged to keep cultivating that relationship. It will produce more fruit in you than you can fathom. And He’ll most likely ask you to do things you never saw yourself doing before. 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive

Money or God?

As many of you know, I always try to be as transparent as I can when I share anything. However, there’s one topic in my life I don’t share about too often because the war with it has been long and intense at times.

You see I’ve been wagging war with money for a while now. It’s been this constant dance of, “Who will Amanda foundationaly worship and praise: Money or God?”

And I get it… Social media makes things look like I have it all together in this area; however, what if I told you my life constantly asks that I take a gamble with God every single day for provision? What if I told you that I don’t have the promise of a paycheck, but that I completely trust He is going to provide what I need when I need it? What if I told you I’ve learned I don’t need more than half of the things my culture keeps telling me I need?

Then what would you think?

You see I’ve come to a place in life where my cost of living is low. Money doesn’t move me with excitement or fear the way it used to. And the idea of living large is so unappealing. Actually living large at the cost of my doing sounds more like a prison than a palace. It sounds like an endless lifestyle of death and destruction… Something that gives a false illusion of power, based around the way I choose to hustle in life.

But then there’s this other path… This path to prosperity. And when I say prosperity, I mean having more than what I need. Which doesn’t include 6 cars, 2 boats and 3 houses. It more so means having more than enough in a simple setting… Like two shades of lipstick to choose from over one. Or, three beverage options in my fridge over two.

And I don’t know if you get where I’m coming from at all… But I do believe if we are ever going to truly allow God to be the foundation, security and focal point of our lives, then we have to let go of this idea of having money as a savior, lover or intimate friend. We have to be willing to constantly live around our needs, rather than our dire wants. And, most importantly, we have to be willing to trust Him when He says, “I will provide. Just create, live and cultivate life to the best of your ability.” 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive

 

Kingdom of Lies

Lies… Deception… Manipulation… Layers upon layers rest upon my soul. And so my soul feels confused.

But then, my soul doesn’t want a fragment of falseness. My soul wants truth. My heart and spirit crave truth too. But then my mind fears the truth because the lies sound so good and feel so powerful and strong. The lies have been given so much weight and support with my thoughts and my words. I’ve helped cultivate this kingdom of lies.

But the fruit… It isn’t good. The fruit just causes more pain, heartache and disappointment. And even when I try to believe the pain is for a purpose, I find myself more manipulated and deceived than I was before. Constantly pacing in mental hell as I scream, “Why?!!!”

But I hear God. I hear Him clearly when He says, “Why would I lead you down a path of deception and manipulation? Why would I bring pain and confusion to your soul? I want you healthy and whole. So let go.”

And so… I let go. 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive

Year Five

Five years ago today I watched my dad take his last breath. All in one moment the reality of death made his appearance in my life.

You see it was evidently clear that I was starring at my dad, but then at the same time I wasn’t.

Every part of him (the smile, the jokes, the instigation I couldn’t stand, the love, the brilliant gifting that made him unique)… It was gone. His essence… His soul… His spirit… The aura that filled his body was gone. And so he was gone.

And so that was the moment… The moment I realized life… Life really, truly is temporal. And our bodies…. Our bodies really are nothing more than the vessel we use to travel in while we’re here on earth.

So now you might be thinking, “Amanda, why are you sharing this?” Well… To be completely honest with you, I just really care about the health of people. Actually, let me rephrase that…. I care about the inner health of people. I care that we are alive on the inside. I care that we thrive on the inside. I care that we find grace, love, forgiveness and healing; and then that we maintain that healing long after our moment of transformation.

You see in today’s culture I believe it’s so easy to get caught up in our outer appearance, race, sexual orientation, religion and political background… But don’t forget, before any of that can matter, we are all intangible on the inside first and foremost. We’re all created with some type of God-spark that makes us eternal and immortal.

And so I guess that’s why I’m writing this…. Because I want to remind you and encourage you to look past the surface of what you can see and shift your focus to what you can spiritually feel. Because the health of that “thing” inside of you, that “thing” we all so casually overlook, is what is truly alive in life. 🌱 #cultivatelife