death · healing · lies, deception & manipulation · victory · warfare

The Giant is Dead

“Amanda, we slayed that giant in your life. Don’t you remember? Why are you stepping back into the fight with it again? Leave it alone. It’s dead in your life.”

Over the past 24 hours I’ve heard nothing but that type of conversation from the Holy Spirit… A constant reminder that my past was fought and won on the battlefield of life… A constant note that going backwards would be a huge mistake.

Now, I’ll have to admit, hearing the truth does make sense… The war of my past was powerful and extremely challenging. So much so that I sometimes wondered if I’d ever make it out alive.

So I get what He’s saying. Which is why I’m choosing to move forward. However, there is a part of me that thinks, “My past makes sense. My past is comfortable. My past can be manipulated, exaggerated, stretched and understood. My past can’t be that dangerous…. Right?”

But then I know the truth. The truth is that I have to move forward with the Holy Spirit. The truth is that I have to use faith as I step forward and take on a riskier way of life. The truth is that I can’t get trapped in comfortability, manipulation or danger of that magnitude again. The truth is that the giant is dead, and I don’t need to resurrect him at all. ⚔️💃🏻 #cultivatelife

freedom · grief · victory · vulnerability

Moment of Victory

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What happens when the fears you used to have…. The ones that used to own your thought space diminish?

I mean what do you do with yourself when you work to a point that things that used to hold you back in life are gone?…. Obsolete…. Like you feel like a healthy individual…

For the first time today I made a huge purchase and realized sometime later that my fear of money wasn’t really an issue…

An it felt so good…. I felt satisfied with the feelings I had…. My brakes and tires needed to be changed… It was expensive… And I did it all without complaining… Without fearing money… Without even thinking about money.

I even approached the counter to have my card swiped and didn’t fumble with the pen, misspell something or look like a babbling fool…

Three months ago…. Well three months ago the story was different… I approached the counter to pay to have a TV shipped and I couldn’t even spell the last name correctly. The lady looked at me like I was a fool. And the TV only cost $60 to ship.

Needless to say the fear of money… Of not having enough was gripping me so tightly that is was scary…. I was mentally sick…. A real mess…

And today… Today I’ve been awake since 4:30… Worked a 9 hour day and a 62 hour week… You’d think with all of those things combine that a flat tire, need for two new tires and brakes would send me over the edge… But it didn’t… I just sailed forward with no worry or fear…

And I say all of this because I feel encouraged…. I feel hope and I feel blessed…

Life is so good… Even in the midst of this hectic week of craziness and constant change… My life is so good and I love it.

And yes I’m tired. And yes I need to sleep, but life is good. Seeing that I can conquer something like my fear of money gives me great hope…. And who doesn’t like to feel encouraged?

It’s the hope and encouragement that actually keeps us going sometimes…. The idea and knowledge that we’ve grown in a positive, life changing, good way…. And that if we keep moving forward more good will come.

With all of the negative and bad in the world today it’s nice to look around at the good….. What we’ve done well and accomplished lately..

I learned a long time ago that confidence is trust in myself and sometimes it takes seeing where we’ve been to help us get to were we need to be…

Because yesterday’s victory can live on…. It can live on long enough to help me get through today, tomorrow and the next moment when I feel tired, down and out of touch…. When I need a pick me up…

I believe victories are reminders of who we once were…. What we once accomplished… And what we have the ability to do next….

So in the midst of standstill L.A. traffic, a headache, and need of sleep…. I’m choosing to use yesterday to move me forward towards something greater…. My next victorious moment in life.