cultivation · deposit · develop · grow

Deposit Here Please

I once had a mentor say, “Amanda, I know what you are going through is rough and quite challenging, but I also believe God is depositing something deep within you through it all.”

Now, I’m going to be completely honest… I kind of hated what she said. I mean, I really wanted her to say something like, “It’ll all be over soon. Here’s why this is happening.” I wanted a quick solution to make the challenge go away. But… she just didn’t provide that.

Instead she provided me with a word… And that word has been one of the most helpful words for my personal growth in life.

You see… When I think of the word deposit I always think of a seed being dropped into fertile soil in the ground. And then I think… “Gosh that little seed has to face some giant changes with many challenges a long the way. I mean… It has to grow. It has to develop. It has to mature into the plant or tree God designed it to be. What a journey it’s on!!”

But ya know?.. I think that’s how we are when we chose to cultivate life!

Which is why… When I’m in a situation I can’t seem to find my way out of I almost always think, “What is God depositing inside of my heart? What is He giving me that I can turn around and use for good to help someone else in the future?”

And I know it’s not always easy… And I know we don’t all like to think of the positive side of life… However, I do believe it’s very healthy to discover what He’s depositing inside of you. Because what He’s left in you is viable and good for LIFE! 🌷🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive

Mind · soul

Scattered Spagetti… 

About a week ago I pulled a box of spaghetti noodles out to cook for mom…

If you know me well… Well then you know I had a million things going on around me and in my head…

And so I thought, “I’ll just cook this quickly and move to the next thing”…

Well… Quickly didn’t exactly happen in that moment…

I was moving so fast that I missed the bottom of the box was open…

Meaning I spilt noodles everywhere…

And from there… Well… It was like a game of pick-up sticks…

We all laughed at the mess… I mean what else was I supposed to do?!… Right.??!

But honestly… Honestly I wish life felt that way sometimes…

That I could just laugh at the fact that life seems as though it’s been turned upside down for my family…

I wish I could laugh and pick up the pieces one by one…

I wish I could laugh and see my moms life come together strategically… To see her happy and not depressed… With more life…

But it doesn’t seem like it’s happening that way…

Instead… Sometimes I feel like I just want to lay on the ground and cry because I just split dinner all over the floor and there’s so much to do…

But then that’s when God reminds me that everything will get done in His timing…

And that finding things to love about this reality is as healthy as seeing the things that I hate…

And that, piece by piece, He’ll show us all how to pick up everything that seems so scattered…

And I believe that’s the best attitude I can just live with in this moment…

grow · Mind · refine

A New Challenge

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The past week has been challenging to say the least…. it’s been good, but challenging… and in the midst of the challenges I continue to wonder if I am handling myself well….. if I am doing everything with understanding and wisdom.

I’m coming to a place where I hate offending people…. I’m tired of judging others…. Living out here is really teaching me that we are all so different and we don’t have a right to judge any one… at all.

I actually genuinely enjoy the fact that I can be anyone and no one will care…. that’s not really possible in the south…. most everyone stares you down if you don’t fit the “mold,” the way the “bubble” and religion have created you to be.

But within all of this learning and living and loving… I continue to remain curious about life…. and think how death is much closer to all of us than we realize…. and how we are wasting our time away trying so hard to fit in with others, rather than just be ourselves….. rather than just “wearing self.”

It’s exhausting trying to fit a mold…. what society says…. and I think the work environment I’m in continues to help me realize how grateful I am for nonmaterialistic things….. to be grateful for love, happiness, acceptance and the simple things that cause our world to kind of spin in a good, healthy direction.

Because having things, jewelry, cars and homes…. well, it’s so nice but so short lived if you have nothing to fill the inside of your with. And honestly it’s hard for me to watch a teenager cry because she has everything money can offer, but she doesn’t have love and acceptance….. that’s tough. It hurts me deeply and it also causes me to be grateful….

Grateful that the money my parents do have was gained as I grew up and that they loved me in spite of it all…. and I know times were tough…. but my tough times can’t come close to comparison to what I see and experience in this situation everyday….

And I want so badly to be of help…. to have some kid of knowledge or piece of wisdom to guide this teenager out of her mess called life….. and I feel a little scared because I don’t know and I don’t understand…. but then I have to remind myself that admitting that I don’t know or understand is the first step in getting me somewhere…. in devising a plan.

And then I can always ask God to provide me with the wisdom, the practical application to help me in this situation…. so that someone else’s life can be better, filled with a little less darkness and a lot less anger….

At times, I tend to think I have it so rough….. that life has been cruel and harsh and unfair to me…. of course then I have to remember my mom always tells me the only fair there is comes in October and lasts for a week or so….. which helps me remember that life is more about what’s just and unjust…. what can stand as true and untrue….

And in this situation, what I see is unjust because it’s full of anger, hatred and lacking love…. but maybe my love and acceptance can be enough for the situation…. maybe I have more answers than I realize to help this teenager…. and maybe…. just maybe…. I can help save her life….

Because at the end of the day…. I believe we are put in each others lives to make each other’s worlds a bit better than they were before entering them.