I had a vision yesterday morning. I was in a dark, spacious cave, and I saw a waterfall flowing from a tall mountain-top of black rock. The mouth of the waterfall was wide. As the water fell, it plunged into a pool at the bottom, and then began to rapidly flow into a ravine. The ravine was different from the spacious cave. It was very tube like, tight and cramped. Still dark, but elevating downward. Then, very suddenly, I saw what seemed to be an end to the darkness… A bright light!
After this played out, I heard Holy Spirit. He said, “You are in a very tight, isolated and concealed space right now. So much is happening at once. I know it doesn’t seem like it is, but it is. Trust the flow. Trust what you feel in your human spirit. Trust the direction you’re being led… Even though you don’t understand. Trust Me.”
And then He stopped talking.
Lately, it’s been extremely challenging to keep moving forward. When you walk through many difficult seasons of life, without breaking into what God’s promised, you begin to question everything. And I have been. I am questioning it all.
You see… It’s just the insight… The ideas… The concepts He’s given me over the years… Well, I’ve held so firm to them. He revealed them to me, planted them in my heart, watered them, nurtured them, watched them develop, mature and grow… And I see the fruit. I see what His ideas, concepts and dreams have produced in my own life and the lives of those that are close to me. But then… Then I ask, “What about the rest? What about the broad scope of all You envisioned and shared with me? And, I know I lack a lot of understanding, but how much longer will You choose to keep Your work concealed? Because I don’t care about fame, fortune, followers or ‘success.’ That doesn’t move me. Honestly, I only, truly care about You. I care that multitudes see how sensational of a feeling it is to be satisfied by only You. I care to share the same measure of love with others that You have shared with me. Everyone has to know! They must know that You aren’t so much ‘cool or hip or relevant.’ Instead, You’re legitimate and virtuous in Your very nature. You’re exactly what each person needs You to be in his/her own life at any given moment because relationship with you is a lifestyle, not a pop culture phenomenon or religion.”
His response? Quiet. Very still. Actually, His stature is so still that it echoes in a very boisterous way. Which then leads me to be still. To calm my soul. To stay present, confident and very focused on exactly where He’s leading. To not be conformed to my lack of understanding, but to just keep moving forward through this very tight, isolated and concealed space in time. 🌱
Over the years I’ve talked very openly about following the Holy Spirit, and how important it is to be led by Him regardless of what I’m feeling.
“Ok… So here’s the plan: we’re gonna come home, help mom, sell the house and move on with our lives. This will take three months tops!” I firmly believe God laughed at my plan that day. To think, after everything my family had been through, that it would only take us three months to help mom. I was ridiculous to think such a thought.
Now, I didn’t really appreciate the dark moments. I didn’t really prefer the moments when I thought money was going to run out and we were going to have to file bankruptcy. But, gosh I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world. Because in the midst of them I learned how to truly rely on God for everything… I learned how to trust Jesus for restoration in areas I didn’t believe could be fixed… And I had to follow the Holy Spirit, even when I couldn’t see.