From the window of mom’s new house I sit in my bed and watch the river flow as the sun rises every morning. Some days it flows left. Other days it flows right. But then there are days when it’s peaceful and still, reflecting the life around it.
Now, I’m not sure what the river is going to teach me about life yet. I still have about a month to spend with it before heading into my next adventure; however, the peacefulness of the river has definitely caught my attention.
You see when looking into a flowing river you can’t really see what’s being reflected very clearly. The current it moving too fast to get a clear perspective, and so it’s easy to believe things are a chaotic mess. But when the current slows down to a pace of nothing, all of a sudden this beautiful image pops back at you.
In so many ways and for so many reasons this is how I feel about the last four years for my family. The river of life has been a constant, yet messy ebb and flow. Some days the wind would move it violently to the right, and then other days it would quickly changes courses and snap it to the left. But then in moment’s like this, when it’s still, well the reflection reveals how beautiful life truly is. It’s at a calm state of being. There’s no wind to tell it which way to go or who to be in that moment. Instead you can sit back and breathe, while taking in the view of God’s goodness.
You see there were times over the last four years that the chaotic wind and current caused me to question if we’d ever make it through. I would sometimes frantically and fearfully wonder, “Will mom would be ok? Where will finances come from? Will we ever stand in the goodness of God as a family again?”
But now, now that the wind has died down I can see that it was imperative that it blew violently and harshly. I can see that it was necessary that we felt the hard struggle of the moving current below. And I can also see that God knew, in time, we would all be starring at a calm and peaceful river of life that reflects only the goodness He ordained and created within the chaos of the flow.
If you’ve ever hiked a mountain before then you know the feeling that comes when you finally reach the top. In an instant all of the work it took to get there means nothing because you feel like you’re on top of the world. And, in a lot of cases, you can see for miles below.
In the past few months I’ve heard it said at least 20 times now, “Well, hindsight is 20/20.”
Grateful because they were filled with moments that helped uproot my weaknesses and insecurities. And now that they’ve all wilted away and died down, I can see that what I hated created a beautiful masterpiece of work. Something that I still can’t fully comprehend or wrap my mind around. But something that is good and viable and was extremely worth my time and tears. Because in this time God helped me grow up and truly mature into a woman who cannot and will not be ransacked, shaken or blown away by the realities that are found within the lows of life.
Another leap of faith with God is verbally in the books… From my mouth, to His ears… I’m gonna follow what seems crazy and strange again. Because I’ve chosen to leave doubt and fear right where they’re at.
It’s funny.. The Lord has never failed me in what He’s spoken to my heart, yet I still doubt what He says is to come.
“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Four years have passed. Four years have passed and the view of my life has drastically changed. I’ve drastically changed.
Forward doesn’t seem as scary as it used to. You see forward with the Holy Spirit used to cause great fear, anxiety and worry inside of me because I constantly looked around at the lives of others and how I didn’t match up. I was obsessed with the reality that I wasn’t getting what I wanted in life because I was choosing to follow through with His will and His plan.
Growing up I spent a lot of time with my grandmother. Being in full-time ministry, I continuously heard her speak to people about living a victorious life through Christ.
Have you ever willingly walked into a season of life before unaware of what’s ahead? Knowing deep in your heart it’s the best thing you can choose to do, but then also hating the fact that you have to set aside your own life?