I cried on the train this morning. I cried on the train this morning because it’s time to take another risk… Another gamble… Another giant leap of faith forward with God.
And you know what? That’s still challenging for me.
It’s still challenging to go, “You want me to do what next?! I’m tired of this journey. It’s long. It feels fruitless and frustrating at times. And do you see the world God? Wickedness is prospering like wildfire. The masses are distracted by the illusion of “life.” People are sick from the inside out. People are claiming “love” when it’s really just tolerance and acceptance. People have forgotten about YOU!!! When does it end? When does your Spirit breakthrough so healing can begin?!?!”
So I cried on the train this morning.
And then I felt a little bit better. And I wiped my tears out from under my big, brownish colored sunglasses. And I moved forward. I moved forward in the best way I know… With all of the faith, hope and love Father God has stored deep inside of me. 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive
I keep hearing God say, “Stand still. Stand firm. Stand secure in Me. We’ve come so far. Don’t waiver to the left or to the right. Don’t get forced forward into the hustle of life. Don’t let the past pull you backwards to its prison. Just stay firm in Me. I am your bedrock.”
But… Can I be honest?
This is a challenge for me. Maybe not as great of a challenge as things of the past, but it’s still a challenge.
And in standing still I feel the enemy of my soul throwing every single thing he can at me… You know, the things he knows would normally move me.
But then I feel this even greater presence inside of me. And the presence says, “Cut the head off of your enemy every single time he approaches you. Don’t even let him breathe around you. He has no power. The only power to be had is My power living inside of you!”
So, I stand still. I stand still and chop off every head of my enemy that comes my way. 🌱 #cultivatelife #justlive
It might be a simple truth… But broken things can be moved. Broken things can be shaken, tossed and turned in several different directions at once.
Which is why I believe the only way to take something broken and make it immovable and unshakable is to let God heal it. His perfect love contains the power to heal the most broken of hearts.
You see I thought my brokenness was gone. I’d given so much of it up. So much to the point that I was convinced that I was so whole in Him. But then… Then an intruder came in and shook me around a little. And, rather than staying secure in Him, I let my guard down. I let it down and discovered there was brokenness deep, deep inside of my heart. Brokenness that God’s been trying to heal.
It’s a challenge to let Him heal it though. Sometimes we can live with pain for so long… So long that we become reliant on the pain because it gives us a false sense of life and security.
But I can’t keep holding onto all of this brokenness anymore. It’s hurting me. It’s causing me to stay weak in others and the past, rather than strong in Him.
So I guess I am to pursue more love. More love than I’ve ever known. He keeps telling me to pursue love. That love will fix what hurts so badly. 🌷🌱 #cultivatelife